Banana Pancakes--Tuesdays Tummy Yummys

                                  

One of my new years resolutions was to start cooking different things and to think outside the traditional box. So today I became the proud chef of homemade banana pancakes! Glutton free and sugar free and oh so so so good!  And no,  am not going to be doing this every Tuesday. I love to eat food ~~ not write about it.
 So here is the post I said I'd never write. A food recipe! But this was so good I just had to share. Here are the ingredients. 

Makes 3 small pancakes.
 1 banana
 1 egg
 Half a cup of almonds
 A tablespoon of coconut oil
 Dash of cinnamon
 Dash of salt
 A little 3 year old helper

That's it!
Beat the egg with a fork. Smash the bananas with the same fork. (Hey! Why wash 2 forks?) Grind the almonds with a coffee grinder or whatever you want. 

   Then mix it all together in a bowl, except the coconut oil, put that in the skillet on the lowest setting, coconut oil burns really fast.

                                         Then just cook it like you would regular pancakes.

                                               Drizzle a little bit of honey and Whah-Lah! 


The girls both LOVED IT! Jasmine ate one whole pancake, that's a lot nowadays for my sick little girl.

                                                    Evie got mad when I took a bite of hers.

                                   Aaaaah. Success.  My new favorite pancake! Hands down....

Afterwards we felt so full and yummy and the weather was so nice we took a walk in the neighborhood. Jasmine walked for like 2 minutes then I held her AND Coco the rest of the walk.  At least we got our vitamin D fix.

  Here is when we were crossing the street I had both girls grab a hold of my skirt  so I could still have my hands free, well one hand at least, the other hand was holding the baby.

   The best part of my day was when Nubun came home and Evie climbed up in his lap and said: "Mommy made some yummy YUMMY pancakes! Ummmm mmmm mmmm!" 
                 AND I DIDN'T EVEN TELL HER TOO!
 And to end this ~here is a banana joke.  Come on! Everybody likes a cheesy joke.  It makes them feel smart. 
                     Why did the banana go out with the prune? Because he couldn’t find a date.

Good night!

THE CHEAP MOTEL

                                                              Dad and I in 1994

     When I get to missing my Dad and I start to get down in the dumps I remember the fun times we had as a family and think of memories that make me smile. This memory definitely does that.       One of my favorite trips of all times was when my sister Damara and her husband James rented a large 12 passenger van in September of 2001 and we went on an adventurous road trip to Washington DC. Mom and Dad, Sarah, Nathan, and of course Tiffany and Jared went too.

                                                  The day before 9/11 hapened.

     One night it was getting really late and we were all ready to get a hotel room and go to sleep. We were having trouble finding the right one, you'd have to know my Dad to understand. My Dad absolutely LOVED a bargain, and couldn't stand to pay much for anything so when we saw this little cheap looking hotel we stopped and Dad and I went in to ask the price and check it out.


   I was 21 yrs old but of course that still embarrassed me. Everybody else waited in the van.
  The price was right but Dad wanted to see a room to make sure the rooms were clean. The man behind the counter just grabbed a set of keys and handed it too us.
   "Go ahead."
    So Dad and I went outside and looked for that specific room number. Aaah! We found it and I put the key in and unlocked the door as it was opening I could see inside the dark room and the floor was littered with trash and there were two big lumps in the bed.     My heart jumped to my throat when I noticed the lumps were moving and ....talking!    "What is..."  
    I immediately stepped back and tried to close the door but Dad was standing there, he didn't know! I didn't have time to explain and I was too freaked out to use my voice so I just pushed him back with both my hands, and quickly closed the door.
   "Somebody is in there!"  I whispered in a breathless rush.

                  
    My Dad didn't say a word he just turned around and sprinted! I was left in the dust, I quickly tried to take the keys out of the door and I could hear movement and footsteps on the other side of it.    I panicked!    Finally the keys were out and I turned around to leave, Dad was about 5 miles away all that was left of him was the sound of his far off footsteps. I got two giant steps away when the door swung open loudly and a huge football player looking guy stepped out.   "What is going on!" he said it in a rough angry voice and it was more of an accusation than a question.    My throat went dry and my ears burned with embarrassment. I stopped in my tracks and turned around. My tongue felt heavy, and I was wishing my Dad hadn't turned yellow and ran, my Dad, my hero. Fathers day was only 9 months away and I was not going to forget this!   I murmured my explanation and before the man could open his mouth to say anything I apologized and high tailed it.  As I was rounding the corner to the office I imagined shadows following me, was it the not-so-jolly green giant? Dad was already in the van and I just tossed the key on the counter and hollered as I was leaving. "There are people in that room!"    Dad was in the car and they were backing out. I jumped in and we left needless to say we did NOT stay at that motel.    One thing good about times like those, they make extra good stories to tell and as the years go by, the stories get funnier and I cherish them even more with each time they are told.

                             This was a picture we took at my uncles house near Washington.
                                    Yep. That is my Dad, he was a fun kinda guy!

                Here is Dad checking out the gym in one of the hotels we were at.
                         You can see Damara taking the picture in the mirror.

                  Breakfast at a hotel on that trip--not THAT motel.

Common Comments That Pregnant Women Get.

These are popular comments most pregnant women get. I have certainly been told all of these, at some point in time. Now that I'm not pregnant anymore it cracks me up!

                

FIRST TIME MOMMY:

-Enjoy your nights while you can cause you'll never sleep again.
-Enjoy your freedom now go out on a date!

WHEN YOU ARE JUST PLAIN BIG:

-When is your due date? Do you think you're going to make it?
-Are you having twins? You sure?
-Did you swallow a watermelon? Whale?  Walrus?
-Oh my! That's one BIG baby!
-Are you sure they got your due date right?

SUBSEQUENT PREGNANCIES:

-You're pregnant AGAIN.? Don't you know how that happens?
-Boy! You sure are busy!

COMMENTS YOU JUST CAN'T MISS:

-You are having a boy/girl -I can tell by the shape of your belly.
-October? My birthday (son's birthday, uncle Joes birthday, my dry cleaners great aunts anniversary) is just 5 days earlier, maybe you'll go early!
-How much weight have you gained?
-Do you want a boy or a girl?
-You drank the water didn't you?

WHEN YOU GO PAST YOUR DUE DATE:  (my favorite category)

-You look like you're about ready to burst!
-You haven't popped yet?
-You still here?
-How long are they going to LET you go overdue?
-You look miserable!
-You poor dear.

RIGHT AFTER YOU HAVE THE BABY:

-You sure you don't have another one stuck in there?
-When are you due?
-You know you can wear control top pantyhose for that.

EVERY PREGNANT WOMAN's FAVORITE 2 COMMENTS:

-Here, you want a chocolate bar? I have two.
-*****--YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL PREGNANT-*****

What A Gentle Beginning means to Me

  When I chose Gentle Beginnings birth center as the ideal place and environment to birth my baby, it did not occur to me that the name had a lot to do with the way the birth center and their midwives treated their littlest patients.  After having my baby there I understand now.

Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee...
~ Jeremiah 1:5

  When a baby has just been born it has never been away from his/her Mommy, never been touched before, never seen a bright light and never felt cold. Everything a new baby goes through right after birth is miraculous and amazing. It is also a lot that the little one has to adjust to. I consider it cruel to immediately take them away from the Mother for reasons that could afford to wait.
  At the hospital where I birthed my two older daughters they treated my new healthy babies like emergencies, like an accident waiting to happen!
   They came out, was literally plopped on my belly for no more than 60 seconds, so that I could see them. Then their umbilical cord was immediately cut, leaving behind up to 25% of their necessary blood and nutrients still in the placenta. That in itself is a shock to their system. Then they were picked up and placed under a heated little table where they start to give them a shot,  poke their little foot to get blood, they got gel placed in their eyes, and flopped around while the nurses rubbed them roughly trying to get all the blood and vernix off of them as if it is something highly dangerous and contagious. They weighed them and measured them and got their footprints immediately. Why is that so important mere minutes after birth I wonder?

          

   I lay watching from a distance helplessly stuck to my hospital bed. I watched the whole process knowing that something was not right about it, something  was just wrong and my arms ached to hold my baby. MY baby! The whole time my sweet little girl was screaming and upset, and all I could do was raise my voice and speak sweetly to her hoping that at least she could hear something familiar and be comforted from it but there were loud machines, loud people and distracting bright lights and too much distance between us. She was too upset and too busy being man-handled to hear me.
I tear up thinking about it.
I truly believe that she cried because she was scared.
   She had just taken her first breath and what a cruel world she comes upon, being treated like a second rate human. She was new and did not understand what was going on but my precious little baby was not second rate.
  After a while she was once again taken far from her Mommy, down to the nursery, where she got her first bath and was scrubbed clean from any remaining offensive vernix or blood, and they scrubbed her new delicate little skin as if she were an iron skillet! My baby screamed the whole bath only stopping to gasp in shock as bitter tasting soapy water drips down in her  little eyes, nose and mouth. Yes, I've tasted baby soap, it's nasty.
   You would NEVER see a new Mom or Dad handle their squishy little helpless newborn like that!
  What is sad is that this is the norm, it is the average treatment of a healthy newborn hospital baby.
Sure, my babies 'survived' and don't seem to be permanently damaged because of it but who wants to 'just' survive? Nobody! Why not treat the new one with common kindness that we show to each other as adults?
  At Gentle Beginnings as soon as my baby was born she was immediately placed in my arms, on my chest skin to skin. Her little face was right next to my heart beat. Where it had been for 9 months.

                
She could hear my voice and got nothing but gentle hugs and kisses from me. Our midwife checked her up and down all the while I was holding and loving on her. Neither my baby nor I even noticed she was there. We were in a sweet little world of our own!
  It was a loving, sweet, warm, candle lit and quiet atmosphere she was introduced to. It was a calm yet a very joyous time for all of us.

                            
   I was the first one she heard, saw, felt. It was a comfort to her, since her little body was still learning to breath and get adjusted to wide open spaces she was introduced into that in the most gentle, calm and soothing way possible, by the one who loved her the most.
   After a few moments of a sweet welcome to this world she was lovingly placed on my chest to nurse. Which was another natural comfort for her.  She ate as much as she wanted for as long as she needed. When the placenta had expelled all it's blood, iron, oxygen and vital nutrients it stopped pulsating and then, and only then did they cut her cord.
  After a while my baby and I settled down into the warm and soothing herbal bath. Where I held my baby in the warm water softly swaying her back and forth, while my husband reached over into the tub and gently massaged his daughters little scalp with a soft baby brush. It was so soothing to her that her eyes started to droop and she calmly fell asleep in my arms, contented and happy.

When thou liest down, thou shalt not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.
~ Prov. 3:24 from KJV

                 

She never cried or complained, because we gave her nothing to be upset about.

                 
   When I had to get some stitches and get 'fixed' up, or when I went to the restroom my baby was safe in her Daddy's arms, receiving cuddles, kisses and coos from him. She never was placed in a plastic tub, heated lamp or behind a glass window, she was warmed by her Daddy's body heat, or my own with no glass wall between us.

                 
  After her gentle introduction to the world we laid  her down on the bed and the midwife very tenderly checked her vitals, her length, weight and etc. Her Daddy and I are right there watching and enjoying it all. It was a fun and sweet celebration! No blood is drawn, she was not an emergency. Blood works could wait at least a couple of days. She didn't cry or get upset because she was treated like a first class citizen, made of flesh and blood, that had real human feelings and fears. Like the precious jewel that she was!

   That night we went home and enjoyed the comfort of our own bed, surrounded by the sounds and routines we were both used to, and slept. It was a deep and healing rest that can not be had if it weren't for a sweet and loving GENTLE beginning.
    A gentle beginning is the best birthday gift my baby could ever get. It will always be a place and a time in my life that when I look back on it I will always have that soft glow in my eyes and a contented sigh on my lips. No matter how big my baby will get I will always hug her close to my heart beat and with sweet memories I'll cherish our first gentle moments together, and whisper a prayer of thanksgiving for that little unforgetable blessing, a moment and a memory that will forever be engraved in my heart.

Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb...
~Psalms 127:3
I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
~ Psalm 139:14 from KJV

My FaceBook birth Story, part 1

This is a blog post made solely from Facebook comments, posts and private messages. It's how Facebook friends and myself told my birth story.  If you've never had a Fb birth, I highly recommend it. It's fun!
   
   October 12th.

Me: "Here's to all those well intended sweet friends of mine who said with pity-full sorrow in their voices: "You don't think you are going to make it to your due date do you?" and believe me, there were many! I'd smile at them and say "Oh yes! I do think I'll make it!" and here I am, my baby and I made it to our due date!! Praise the Lord! yay! And feeling great! -maybe just a tad slow and addicted to naps, but I'm doing swell!!!"
     Me to my doula Hannah: "Wonderful!! Baby is head down AND no longer posterior!!!! --plus: Ann said I had the 'glow' so won't be long. 
No idea what the 'glow' is but I like it anyways..."
 10 days overdue. 
    Me:   "  I guess my 'glow' wasn't strong enough?? 
    Hannah: " Shine a flashlight on your belly in the dark. That will really make you glow! :)"
    Me talking to Amanda:  "Thinking of you. Just remember, it's just a guess date. No pressure, but just in case we go at the same time....I get the red room. :-D"
   Amanda:  "Now you've made it a challenge...I'll race you to it :)"
   Heather:  "hahaha, you two are hillarious! It would be so funny if you were both laboring at the same time at the same center!"
    
   Becca:  "I am so pathetic first thing I do when I get up in the morning is run in here to check yours and Amanda's status... I SO NEED A LIFE... I am just so excited for you BOTH!"
     Me: "Me too Becca!! Me too!! We need to start a club 'Pathetic birth Nuts club' hahaha!
I keep checking my status too to see if I'm in labor or not. Nothing from me today!! Hahaha..."
      Betsy Taylor  "LOL you dingy ladies!"
     Elizabeth  Smith:  " I want a club.... do you have to be prego to join?? I could be the coach.... or something....."
      Becca:  "I am joining yours and Amanda's race to see who has the baby first. I was reading your status and if your MW will let you go up to three weeks past, I just might beat you both! =) Don't worry you can still have the RED room, but the races begin! I hope you have a Wonderful Friday!"
       Me: " What?! Amanda, are you reading this?? 
Castor oil it is!!
AGAIN. I hate Castor Oil. Got to think of something else.... I'm just gonna tel my MIL to turn up the spice-o-dometer on her Thai food. Maybe I'll go run a marathon too... Ok. That's funny, me running that is..I'm cracking myself up! 
Ps. Don't forget my dog Bella is in the race too! Hahaha"
       Amanda: " That is SO not funny Becca. You can NOT beat us!!! IT MUST GO IN ORDER! Me, Andrea, Bella and THEN Becca ;) If you all want to go into labor at the same time that will be fine but you can't leave me behind :)"
       Me: "Maybe Bella could get the red room?  Amanda, I gotta strange feeling we WILL go in that order. It's only fair right?? Haha. Sorry Becca. :-0"
     Amanda:  "NEGATIVE! I am NOT sharing the red room with a dog, lol."
     Me: "By the time my baby is born this will be what she looks like compared to the average newborn. A tad over-cooked?"
    Amanda:  "LOL!! Mine is going to come out talking and walking. :) And I was really hoping for a small baby."
     Me:  " Hahaha! Well, I don't know Amanda, I healed up a lot quicker from my 8 pounder then I did my 5 pounder. I don't think you or I have a chance for a small baby anymore!"
     Kathleen Gardner:  "so how long will they let you go over before "helping" you out?"
     Me:   "As long as the baby and I are healthy..... :) I'm actually glad I wasn't induced at 40 weeks with this one like I was with the other two. At 40 weeks she was transverse and not in a good position to come out. Since I have waited my baby has accommodated herself into a very safe and 'proper' position to come out. And I feel tons better now about going into labor then I did 9 days ago. Still--it is hard to wait, I'm ready to meet her, hold her and feed her.... Ooooh. It can't be long!!"
    Tori:  ‎"They almost always turn on their own and stay put when they get close to being delivered." another invaluable lesson learned through The Bradley Method and Donna Ryan"
  Me:  "I think that if given the chance Jasmine would have turned and I would have had an easier delivery with her. But OBs are so impatient. At least mine was."
    Tori:  " When exactly was your's and Amanda's due dates? Will was 10 days overdue before he decided to show up :)"
  Me: " Ronda, I'm not scared of a big baby! Not even a little! I was a couple of years ago... Not this time around!  It is fun to joke about though."
   Tori:  "Amanda's was the 11th that makes her 10 days passed due today..."
   Me: I'm at 9 days --Amanda is at 10. She has been preggo for 290 days --me 289. :-)"
   Donna Ryan:  "I promise -- these babies *will* come out!"
   Me: " What!!? I'm NOT going to be pregnant forever? Haha. I know Donna, and this time around I don't have the pressure of a doctor or hospitals policies... I'm contented to wait. Although I am ready. Anytime now!"
    Me: "My baby is in position to be born!!!! (first time EVER!). Yes! Yes! Yay!!!! Praise the Lord!!!"
  Sherian:  " Hmm...I wonder if your mama's intuition was right and she will be here tomorrow?? How's the dog?"
  Me:  "Sherian, dog is still pregnant too. She better wait her turn! Its still Amanda's turn first then mine then hers.... :-D   Baby is not engaged but in a good position. Still not in a hurry, just waiting on the Lord! His timing is better then ours."
 
   
   

The Case FOR The Little Old Lady

The case FOR the little old lady.


  I prayed a lot before writing this blog post, and I wrote it mainly for myself but also for my young Mommy friends who sometimes just find it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

   Being a parent at all is mildly put 'challenging.' Anybody who does not agree  is either lying or not a parent. Being a full time Mum makes me physically tired. The only time of the day I can halfway relax is when my sweet babies sleep.  I say halfway because even though I may not be doing some heavy physical labor  my nerves are on end ready to jump at the first sign of a baby crying,  or of them stirring or of some random noise happening that would wake them up.

   I'm never truly off the hook.

   You may come over and visit with me and I'll sit down and talk with you for an hour getting up only every few minutes to kiss a booboo or discipline a misbehaving toddler, but the truth is, is that while I am sitting there talking to you I am still at work, I'm still on call and every gene in my body is in tune for my children's needs.
    I wish sometimes I could relax, maybe even have visions of those long but not forgotten days when I could go to a quiet home after a 8hr day at the office, soak in a giant lavender smelling  hot bubble bath, then lay on the couch eating potato chips while dozing off to sleep just from being so relaxed. The truth is there is not a job out there (that I know of, you may know of one) that is so continual.
      What makes it so exhausting is that it's not only the physical part but also the emotional. I don't love anybody more than my God and my husband, but besides that my little ones have every bit stolen my heart. I could not be more emotionally involved, which simply put- is emotionally exhausting!
    The responsibility of guiding my child into adulthood with a clean heart, a clear mind, a sweet attitude, and a Godly testimony weighs heavy on my heart. Nothing else out there will impact the personality and character of another humans life like a parent will, whether it be through care or through neglect.
    It's my pride and joy to have perfect kids, a clean house, wrinkle free clothes and neatly shaped eyebrows. Unfortunately a lot of times I have normal kids that STILL need disciplining, a house that has mountains of dirty laundry, sometimes clean ones but always wrinkled and needing another round in the dryer - yes, I use my dryer as an iron. And my eyebrows tend to get bushy and looking more like a forehead beard than eyebrows.
  But that is ok because at the end of life's day, when I am old and wrinkled laying in a hospital type bed next to my Nubun, we will be holding hands and reminiscing the good ole days. The days when we were needed, the days when we couldn't sleep well because a baby was crying, a toddler was scared of thunder and needed cuddling, the nights when it'd take an hour and a half just to put the girls to sleep because they wanted us to read to them just ONE MORE BOOK, sing to them 'Sunbeam' just one more time (for the 5th time), and let's pray again because you forgot to hold MY hand. The days when whining was at its highest, tears were in abundance, and they just HAD to be held and you could NOT put them down. The times when we would just stand there in the living room looking at each other wondering in frustration what to do next.
  We will remember watching them run down the hall with little short legs moving faster then the eye, when they would manage to get more bath water on the floor than in the bathtub, they'd turn the cars atmosphere 10 decimals louder then the local circus, and when they'd whine and plea for us to play 'ring around the rosie' with them for the 15th time that night.
   It's the hard times that makes us humble, the trials that teach us patience, the many prayers lifted up during the rough patches that teach us wisdom, and just the details of life that makes up the best of memories.
It's important to enjoy this time WHILE it is going on. Because although memories are great, moments are even better.
"It IS hard, and some days you'd rather forget, but if you never get to enjoy your kids, you need to relax...I really want more from what I'm doing and the time I spend with my kids than the satisfaction of 'having done it' someday when they are grown and gone. ...speaking of those moments, today within the span of a minute I said the following: 'Don't spit on the floor,' and 'Don't bite my butt.' It can be humorous if you have the right attitude." -my friend Susan Taylor. Maybe a good attitude, a littler relaxation and some good old fashion prayer will help keep focus on the beauty on now.
   When the little old lady in the Wal Mart check out line tells you to "treasure every moment with them" it's not because she has forgotten how hard it is to be a Mother of young kids, it's because she knows how short that time is and how precious those moments fly by. And because she can look back and remember those years as the best of her life.  She KNOWS! Listen to her! They say wisdom comes with time, she's had more time than you.
   Now I do know that there are some people that would need three lifetimes to qualify for an opinion but on the most part your elders have been there done that and can tell you a piece or two about wisdom. Yes, their memories are fading, but what remains of it is really what matters. Yes they don't remember everything, like how exhausted a young Mother can get, and how children can invent 12 different ways to stress you out in only 43 seconds.
But they have already gone through it and know that at the end,  it truly IS the hard times that you'll miss.
  I'm not saying to feel guilty because you are looking forward to nap time, counting down the minutes till bed time, and dreaming of the day you'll have vacation time, I'd be a hypocrite if I said that. I am just saying that when you are emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and 2 seconds away from a puddle of tears just remember the wisdom of that little old lady.  And pray through your frustration, pray that you will be aware of the good ole times as they are happening, that you'll be thankful for your blessings while you still have them.

    And yes, that you will ENJOY, treasure and cherish this fleeting moment in your life.
Hug your babies, love on them NOW while they still think you are superwoman. Embrace theses moments and thank God for them.
 

The Chill in my Spine

Marriage is fun, exciting, beautiful and hard. Anybody out there who'd like to disagree with me has simply never been married before. But as my brother Nathan puts it: "Marriage can be a little piece of Heaven on earth if you put God first."
  My husband is at work now and all three of my daughters are asleep. I miss him when he is gone, everyday he works and I think about him often and look forward for when he comes back home so I can tell him all the adventures my little girls have been up to lately. "Evie TAUGHT ME how to work the iPad" Jasmine tee teed in the potty" "Colleen is now playing with toys" of course there is always the times where:
   "I've had such a rough day, Colleen had gas and fussed a lot, Jasmine tee teed on the floor, banged Evie on the head with a block, and ate an old petrified Hershey's kiss she found outside -wrapper and all! Evie whined all day, she whined for you, she whined for cheese, she whined for crayons, she whined because the puppy didn't kiss her back."
  Through it all I have my husband to listen to me and share my joys and sorrows. He always listens to me even if sometimes he is reading the consumer report at the same time, at least he glances up at me to see if I'm still talking, grunts and continues on reading. I know he listens to me, maybe subconsciously but he does.
  Just last week I had told him that I asked Evie if she remembered being in Mommy's tummy and she answered me with a big matter of fact kind of voice "yes," then giggled and continued on "I liked it,it was warm in Mommy's tummy." I was shocked speechless!    And when i told Nubun I just knew he would make fun of me but he didn't say anything except a mildly interested sounding "oh, hm"
  But a few days later he said to me: " you know what the highlight of my week was?"
  "no, what?"
  "When you told me about Evie talking about being in your tummy." I started to cry because I felt foolish even telling him that, and felt like a silly woman believing my almost 4 year old could actually remember that. But he validated me, he took me serious and made me love him just that much more.
  Ok, I was not planning on writing about all that but I was thinking about Nubun and when I first started liking him and our years together and the now. But now I will go back to what I originally was going to write about.
  How Nubun slowly wriggled his way into my heart. Now don't get me wrong, I love those stories out there about 'Love at first site, or at first date' but our story just happens to not be one of those.
  When I came up here to the States I was as clueless and naive as they come. I didn't know how to drive, had no sense of direction, couldn't get anywhere when I did start driving, had no idea how to open a checking account, sign up for school, or even apply for a job. Nubun helped me with all of those. It's not something we planned but he offered me just to be nice and I took up his offer out of necessity.  I didn't really like him at the time and he didn't like me but felt sorry for me drowning in my own pool of helplessness. And we slowly started tolerating each other then, enjoying each others company, and finally after a while we actually liked each other.
   My first year of school was good but I was over confident in my English class. I wrote a paper for my homework and totally and utterly failed the assignment. I wasn't paying attention to my professor and did my own thing. That day when I went to class and my teacher handed me back my paper with a big fat "F" on it written in bright red ink I was shocked! Not that I thought I was great in school, that's laughable, but because writing was then only thing I considered myself mildly good in. If I failed that, how was I going to fair in my other classes?
  I remember that day clearly. I was sitting down in the front row where I always sat, right in front of teachers desk and my tears were rolling down my cheeks, dripping off my chin and soaking a pop quiz my teacher had just surprised us with. I was staring at it blankly, I couldn't pop out of my self grief enough to even read what it was about, I couldn't even read it through the blur of tears. I, to this day still have no idea what that quiz was about. All I knew was that I had failed my very first English paper and I was heart broken. My teacher took compassion on me, seeing how I was silently weeping like a willow with an open faucet.  After reading the instructions twice and still not remembering one word I read I picked up my pencil, wiped the snot off my nose with my sleeve and tried to write something. My teacher walked by and took compassion of me and wrote on my paper a big "A" and told me to go home.
  I did, and blubbered all the way home and told Mae (my sister in law) all about it. Then after a few minutes I went back to school for my next class. I knew that Nubun was coming over to wash his clothes that day and I just knew Mae would tell him all about my hysteria. And in my heart I knew Nubun was going to feel sorry for me, for that was just how he was. He had a tender heart. After my math class I stepped out into the hallway and started to head over to my history class but stopped. I had a sixth sense, and a sweet chill went down my spine as I slowly turned around and there he was standing there in his bright orange sweater waiting for me.
   Nubun had a big enough heart to feel sorry for me going through my silly little meaningless drama, enough, to go out of his way to come just...to see if I was ok.
  That afternoon his big tender heart creeped into mine. That was 12 years ago. Now after wedding vows, three children and too many dogs, he still takes care of me, listens to my silly dramas, and goes out of his way just to make sure I am ok.  That's my Nubun, and I love being married to him. He still is and always will be my very bestest buddy.  I still get that sweet chill in my spine when he comes home, the one that makes my tummy turn into knots and my heart beat wild.

Honeymoon picture when we were both young and pretty