Obey or Drink a Roach!

Lately I've been having a bunch of flashbacks from my childhood. This morning after eating scammbled eggs and pickles with my little girls I watched my little two year old down an 8 ounce cup of water I think of how she has the Bob Patterson 'water bug', just like I do. I call it that anyways. Those of us who have the water bug drink lots of water, I mean lots! We could be in the Guiness Boook of World Records, I am not kidding! I'd be the queen bee too, since I drink more then the rest of the Bob Patterson clan. Around 10 liters a day. Maybe that isn't lady like but my complexion is pimple free and I am never constipated! Sorry, for the TMI-- just sayin...

My Dad. (Bob Patterson)

   In Mexico where I grew up the tap water was very nasty, not for human consumption. We could not afford to buy bottled water so Dad would filter our own water at home. The filtered water was downstairs outside by the pila (little above ground water tank) and at night time it was pretty spooky for the wimpy teenager that I was to be getting a drink of water.
    I carried a gallon jug of water to bed with me, and most times I'd finish it before the sun would rise in the morning. I was too scared to go downstairs so I found an alternitive water supply. A forbidden one.
   I the dark of night I'd tip toe to my parents room and stand out side their bedroom door, id squish my ear to the door, if I could hear regular breathing I knew they were still asleep. I'd be very quiet as I'd waltz over to my Dad's side of the bed like a graceful ballerina (at least that is how I envisioned myself) and I would get Dads large insulated cup of ice water and gulp it down as fast as I could, swallowing ice chips and air pockets. All the time watching my Dad's eyes making sure they were still closed, I still remember the smell of his after shave. After downing the entire cup of ice water I would run back out of the room very un gracefull like, many times I'd hit the corner of the bed waking Dad up so I'd dive to the floor and wait till he would go back to sleep.
   In the mornings that he would wake up and reach over for his cup and find it empty he knew exactly who was the culprit. He would stomp over to my bedroom, which was a very loud stomp since he wore size 15 shoes! And he would rant and rave for a little and always end up with a 'Don't do it again!'
  But every time I'd finish my gallon of water before the sun came up I'd do it again. I was scared of the dark. Well, one early morning Daddy had had enough. I was downstairs when he discovered his empty water cup. He hurried down the stairs and by the sound of his approaching foot steps I knew exactly why he was in a hurry for. I tried to sneak to our guest room to hide, but he saw me.
"Andrea! Come here!" I did and he handed me his empty cup. "Now go wash this and fill it up right now!"
"Yes sir, I said sheepishly and headed to obey.
    I got to the pila and took the lid off of his cup and turned it upside down to wash it and two giant ugly roaches fell out! I'm pretty sure my face turned green. I had drunk the water that the roaches had been swimming in! The lid had a tiny little slit where the water came out, and where roaches went in....
I don't remember ever drinking his water again.

Now I am a grown woman with kids of my own. I look back at those precious memories of my Dad and just wish I could go back in time and OBEY! I miss my Dad's big water cup, the sound of his footsteps coming down the steps and the smell of his after shave, I guess I just miss my Dad.

A little about my natural childbirth

Here are some questions that my natural birth class instructor (Donna Ryan) just recently asked me and my answers to them. I could add so much more but that will be for another blog post.

1.  A testimonial on how the natural birthing DVD classes helped both Nubun and I.
  It helped both of us especially in learning that a healthy birth has to start with a healthy pregnancy. I immediately started counting my protein intake,  I started doing pelvic rocks and more kegels and attempted squats, unsuccessfully but I tried among other exercises. I also had chiropractic care regularly throughout my second and third trimester. Nubun also realized the importance of a healthy pregnancy and what it required, he'd constantly remind me to eat more protein and do my exercises, and get the proper rest. And he would take me every week to see my chiropractor.  We practiced together the relaxation, talking about it and planning ahead when I would go into labor. not as often as we should have but we did. He knew when I was tense and where I'd tense up at. He didn't get the chance to massage me during pregnancy, or give me counter pressure on my lower back because at the very beginning of my short labor he was packing the car, and then he was driving, then it was only about 15 minutes after arriving at the birth center I pushed my baby out. But he knew the 'signs' and he was patient with me when I wasn't with him, he helped me relax by reassuring me everything was ok and to relax my butt.  Yes, that's where I tensed up! We both learned going overdue was plenty ok and we were patient to wait. We also learned  the risks of unnecessary interventions and what exactly they were in detail. Information is virtual gold and we had it this time around and we used it! I think that if it wasn't for the knowledge I was left with after the classes my labor probably would have a completely different out come.

2.  Induction vs letting your baby come on its own. 
    oh my goodness, where to begin? This is such a big deal to me and it is literally the number one reason I even looked into natural childbirth. I was induced with my two previous babies and it was a mess. With my first they induced me because I was 4 days late and the baby was big and they didn't want her to get any bigger. She was 5lbs 15ozs. Because my doctor had planned on an induction days ahead I was a nervous wreck, I knew that you are more likely to have a c-sect after being induced than if you went natural and I was scared to death! I finally called her and told her I didn't want to be induced. She got angry and said she was the doctor not me and that she knew best. When I insisted she hung up on me. Literally. I was bullied into it.  With my second baby she had been transverse the whole 9 yards and the day I went in to see the doctor at 39 weeks and 5 days the doctor called to tell me not to eat anything because they were going to give me a c-sect. I had already fought with her for 2 weeks, I cried and pleaded with her to let me wait to see if the baby would turn on her own. Thankfully that morning she did turn and the doctor asked if I wanted to be induced I very quickly agreed. After the threat of a c-section, --some cervadil and pitocin sounded like a nice alternative. Then this time around it was a nightmare.  I told them I reacted fast to pitocin but the nurses didn't care, they started my pitocin and increased the quantity of it three times within the hour, I dilated from literally a 0 to 10 centimeters in an hour, this baby was also posterior, I was flat on my back and in so much pain I thought I was going to die, I literally did. At 10 centimeters they gave me an epidural that didn't work and had to give me a spinal. And then because the spinal was so strong I couldn't feel to push and she was at a minus 2 station anyways, so to help aid and to hurry the baby out my doctor gave me what I call a triple episiotomy, one cut going down, and one on each side. that wasn't enough so she had both her hands up me trying to stretch me out. Nubun said it was so gruesome that even the nurses were looking away. I pushed for over an hour and she came out, and i had and excruciatingly painful recovery. And the whole thing could have been prevented if only I could have waited for the baby to decide when she was ready to come and  turn and start labor on her own jolly ole time.   My third pregnancy was a repeat of the second one, she was transverse the whole way except for a couple of times she flipped and would either be breech or head down then she would flip back to transverse. At my 40 week check up she was still transverse but my midwife was not even worried, she was calm and reassuring. There was no hurry, no threat of an induction and I had a peace of mind that was not found when I was seeing a doctor. My midwife did a version and a week later at my 41 week  check up she was head down but I wasn't rushed into getting induced again I was sent home to wait for the baby to start labor.  She did, and I had a healthy, natural non intervention birth and it was amazing!!!  People wondered why I was so happy to go over my due date, and I tear up when I would think about it. I was happy because I was being left alone, it meant everything was ok and natural, I had a transverse baby without the threat of induction or a c-section! Not being induced meant everything to me, why wouldn't I be happy?

3.  Fast labor. 
   I didn't want a super fast labor because I viewed labor as a breathtaking and wonderful magical event and yes, even fun. I didn't want to hurry up and get it over with, I wanted labor to linger a littler so that I could savor it. I am not stupid, I also didn't want an 40 hour labor, I guess I wanted an in between, not too long not too short birth. My labor was fast, very fast. After my water broke I went from contractions being 8 minutes apart to 1 minute apart in less than an hour. It was hard because my body didn't have time to 'build up resistance' to the pain, it hurt and I think because my birth was so fast that the training in natural childbirth really helped even more.  I had to concentrate on each contraction, stay ahead of it and take control of myself instead of the pain taking control of me. Relaxation and concentration during contractions helped with this. I also birthed an 8lb 14oz posterior baby so the pain not only came fast but it came hard, training DOES help!  I had to turn that pain into gain, with every labor pain --big things were happening inside my body.  If you count when I started having heavy contractions I guess my labor lasted 1 hour and a half. Three hours if you count when my water broke. Don't ever wish for a fast labor! 

4.  The difference between medicated and unmediated births
   Emotionally?  When I was medicated with both my older girls I wasn't 'all there' I know people react differently with medication I start acting like a mental retard!  I started talking about my toenails right before I started pushing, for a short while I was seeing double because it made me dizzy. And after I had the babies I felt blissfully happy about my babies being there, I was all excited about them but never thought of myself. Because to me my medicated births were all about and only about the babies, I was just the The means to get the baby into the world. I also couldn't feel my baby coming out. I missed that!  I mean I dialated to a full 10 both times and when the best part came, pushing, I was numbed.  On my unmediated birth I had a clear mind. I knew what was going on I could FEEL what was going on. It was exciting to experience the whole ride to think about what was going on as it was happening and to be in control both mind and body. I could think, rationalize, I could emotionally feel. My body was working with the contractions, I wasn't strapped to a bed, I was walking around, kneeling and doing whatever felt best. I wasn't able to do that at all with a cervadil up me and an IV with pitocin running through my veins and a tube of epidural in my spine. And when I gave birth and picked up my baby I was on that natural high! I was so happy to hold my baby! And this time around it wasn't just about the baby, it was mostly about her, and for her but it was also about me. Her and me.   And this time around I could feel her little body come out, what a blessing!!!  When I saw my midwife, or doula while I was in labor, they were looking at my face listening to me and paying attention to my body language and not concentrating only on what was going on 'down there'. I mattered I was actually a part of my baby's labor. I think that being medicated up was the doctors way or the nurses way of not having to deal with me anymore. (at least in my case) They could get me out of the picture and hurry up and get the baby out and the next patient in the room.  I do feel like I missed out be medicated, I think in every woman there is this primal nature to want to birth your baby naturally, and when you do that you feel accomplished and when you don't you feel let down, not whole, not complete, like if there was something big missing out of your life. Of course there are some woman and doctors who try to silence that nature... But not me, not this time around!

5..Has it affected my self esteem?
  Yes!   I had done it! I was in control, I called the shots at my daughters birth!  Dare I say I was even proud? I was strong enough to change care providers 3times until I found the best one for me. I found my voice and I used it. Nobody walked over me this time around.  That was an accomplishment in itself. I even think I've found my voice in other aspects of my life because of it.  Right after my birth I looked down at my daughter and told her 'we did it' on her time schedule and with my help we did it together. I felt strong and confident and even ready to do it again. I can't quit watching my birth video, (having a video of my birth was better than having a winning lottery ticket. I'd not trade it for anything in the world!) reading my birth story, day dreaming and talking about my experience with whoever will listen. I wish every woman could have the experience I did.  I think I'm a stronger person because of it.

  

Colleen Faith Sangjun's Birth Story

"You still here? You haven't popped yet?"  As I walked down the hall of my church I wondered if that was the only thing people could think of saying to me when they saw me still pregnant, overdue and huge.
  In fact I went 11 days over due. I had an irritable uterus for around 10 weeks, and the past two weeks I had been having contractions off and on. Sometimes rough ones sometimes close together but they always ended with no baby on its way. At my 40 week check up the baby was still transverse so Ann (my midwife) did a version and told me to go walk my hide off. I was miserable and grumpy but I obeyed and at my 41 week check up she was head down, and in position to be born! I was actually thankful to be overdue, I didn’t care that I was a week late; emotionally at 41 weeks I was in a very good state of mind, better then at 40 weeks and so thankful that my baby was going to come when she was ready and not be forced out because of impatience or somebody’s schedule. People felt sorry for me, they automatically assumed I was an emotional wreck and so I understood, I was horribly uncomfortable and miserable, physically but what really matters is what was going on in my head. I was fine. God had blessed me beyond my wildest dreams with this pregnancy and I was going to be patient and happy and wait on His timing.

    Colleen Faith’s Birth story:

   I woke up Sunday on October 23^rd feeling different. Usually I’d wake up, get up and start the day. That day I woke up and stayed down. I was nauseous, tired, irritable and having stomach problems. I felt weak and smells bothered me, and I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t pin point it but deep down I knew this was the beginning of my labor, but I didn’t want to say it out loud. I called my birth team one by one to let them know of my condition. My doula suggested me trying to eat a peanut butter and honey sandwich and getting lots of rest. Nubun suggested that I should take a walk.
    I didn't jump on that suggestion so to speak.
He only mentioned it once.  All I wanted to do was sleep! So that is what I did. Nubun took care of everything and made sure I got my rest. When I woke up from my nap I ate a sandwich and started feeling better, so I decided to roam my neighborhood sidewalks. Nubun and the girls walked with me. It was beautiful outside and the sunshine and fresh air felt good on my skin. Throughout the whole walk I was having contractions and I felt a lot of pelvic pressure. I knew it was almost time but having so many false alarms made me doubt at the same time. I grabbed Nubun’s hand as we were nearing the house. “I know I am in the early stage of labor, I just know it! But…” I said a little disappointingly “I just wish I could have a CLEAR sign!”

   About 3 minutes later at around 6:50 that Sunday afternoon I leaned up against our SUV to rest and I felt a gush!     Whoooosh! Out came the Amazon river! I immidately got chill bumps on my arms. I closed my eyes and breathed in the beauty of it all! The beginning of the journey to meet my little girl!
    I think about this moment and I get tears in my eyes. It may sound silly to some but with every pregnancy I have always wanted to have my water break on its own, at home, announcing the beginning of my labor so that I could be able to say:

 “Nubun! My water just broke! It's time!" Well, God gave me this little desire of my heart AND my CLEAR sign!

  Nubun ran up to me and looked at the wet ground. His eyes were big (Imagine that! Ha-ha) and he said “Are you sure?”  I nodded my head with a firm “Uh yeah!” I smiled and walked inside the house leaving a trail of evidence. His voice followed me as he kept on repeating.
   “Are you sure? You sure? ANDREA, ARE YOU SURE!” 
    I just giggled with glee and headed towards the restroom. My amniotic fluid just kept on coming and coming. I had more water in me then the average 3 pregnant women! I guarantee it! Nubun ran and got his camera and took a picture of my trail of water, or what was left of it. I called Ann and she drilled me with questions.

“Are you having contractions?”

“Yes, but not very painful ones.”

“Does your water have a bloody show?”

“No ma’am” (a couple of minutes after hanging up with her I got the bloody show)

       After a few more questions she hung up with instructions to call her back when my contractions got stronger. I had noticed there were little white specks in with the fluid and Ann told me that it was vernix from the baby. After I hung up with her I waddled over to my camera totting husband. “Nubun! Come look!” and I showed him the little white specks and proudly said: “That is vernix from the baby!” He jumped with excitement. “Oh how cute!” and started taking pictures of it. Yes, my husband is awesome like that!

  I called my doula, Hannah. “I will come over right now if you need me.” I looked in the mirror at my giant baby belly.

“I’m fine now.”

“Don’t try to be brave.” That tickled me because I’ve never thought of myself as being brave before. Before she hung up she told me to call her as soon as I felt I needed her. I had just read a birth story of a friend of mine who had a birth where her water had broken and she went 48 hours before giving birth. I've got PLENTY of time, I thought.
  (Ha. I laugh now!)

  I started going over my mental list of things we needed to take to the birth center, instructing my husband  “Don’t forget my yoga ball, or my cupcakes, or my jar of honey. Where is my gallon of water?”
   Nubun was Posting on FaceBook our progress. That was fun!

 

Then I took a quick shower and went into the living room. That was the end of my easy labor. Nubun was grabbing a bite to eat when my painful contractions started. There was no warning, my contractions did not slowly build up to being painful they just went from painless to 'OH MY GOODNESS I AM GONNA DIE!' painful! They were strong! They were ruthless! And they were working!!
    After only 2 of them, I was left weak, breathless and READY for it to be over already.  I knew it was time. “Nubun, I’m calling Hannah!”

  I was already having trouble talking on the phone but she was on her way. Even though I thought it would be impossible to happen, my contractions were getting noticeably stronger and I was upset that Nubun was eating. I hollered at him:

  “NUBUN! Oooooh! Nubun!!” and he came as fast as he could but it wasn’t fast enough for me. I am ashamed to say I yelled at him in the hall and started slapping his arm with frustration, eh, who am I kidding? I whalloped him with a laboring Mama's strength!

   “You said you were going to be by my side through EVERY contraction!! You… Oooooooooh!! It hurts! I went through THREE contractions on my own! AAaaaaah!!!!” I bent over with another strong wave.
   He didn’t get upset at all, he’s a natural birth trained partner' he knew the signs. When wife starts beating you, SHE IS IN TRANSITION, or at least near, he just smiled and said:

 “We need to call Ann and go” I shook my head; I wanted Hannah to get there first.

  But we did call Ann and told her that my contractions were strong but still about 5 minutes apart. I could still talk through my contractions, with difficulty but I could.

“Do you feel pressure on your bum?”

 “No ma’am”

Just mere minutes later I DID start feeling strong pressure and my contractions jumped to 1 minute apart and were unbearably strong. I couldn’t talk through contractions, I couldn't see straight, or think!  Nubun was back on the phone with Ann: “She is feeling pressure on her bottom and contractions are 1 minute apart.”

 “Oh No! Get her here NOW!”

I had been laboring on my yoga ball but by the time Hannah got there I had moved over to my hope chest leaning against it in a kneeling position. She came in and stood by my side. I was having a huge contraction that left me trembling and sweating. I looked up at her and said:

 “I am in the praying position.”

 She smiled and said “That’s a good position to be in right now.” I trembled through another contraction and Nubun and Hannah looked at each other. They both knew they had to get me out of there. After that contraction was over Nubun got me up and walked me to the hall.

   “Nubun, did you get my cupcakes?” Nubun was very worried by now. “Don’t worry about them. We have to go.”  I took two more steps when I felt another pain coming. Hannah told me to lean up against my him and so I did. Again I was trembling and sweating through the giant wave of pain.

 After that pain was over they were both ready to sweep me off my feet and carry me to the car, (I think that would have been physically impossible, maybe if they had a wheel barrel...) and then I said the dreaded words.

“I have to go to the bathroom”

Nubun about panicked “But we have to go now!”

“I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!!”

And so I went and sat there for a while. nothing happened.
   “Well,” I said “I guess I didn’t need to go after all” Hannah handed me a Depends to wear of which I was very thankful. My water had quit leaking because the baby’s head was in position and serving as a cork, but soon she would move and the flow would start again. I walked back to the hall when again I stopped at the same place and leaned up against the man I loved to labor through another pain. When it was over I halfway turned to go back to the bedroom.

 “I don’t want to go!” I was dreading that 40 minutes drive to the birth center.

 “Ok” Nubun said “I’ll call Ann to come!”

 “No wait!” I said visualizing the warm soothing birthing tub at the birth center. I quickly changed my mind.

 “I’ll go.” And I slowly headed towards the door.  “Did you get the cupcakes?”

   I finally made it to the car and Hannah had so thoughtfully put a big blue pad on the seat. It was around 9pm. This was not a good time to be heading anywhere, right smack during transition. My contractions were lasting longer then my breaks in between and the pressure in my bum was stronger with each one. I should have listened to my husband when he told me we needed to leave the first time.
    I was half sitting in the car and putting a lot of weight on the hand rest and grabbing a hold for dear life!
   Nubun immediately reached down and turned on some soft relaxing instrumental music.
After two notes I growled, in a grizzly bear kind of voice, "SHUT UUUUUUUP!!" I couldnt find the words to say anything else. He quickly fumbled to turn it off and back out of the driveway at the same time.
And then he was driving superbly, he was as smooth as butter and I didn’t even know he was speeding, but I did notice he was in and out of traffic passing cars right and left, that should have given me a clue he was going fast.  Hannah had a hard time keeping up, she was driving in her car behind us, they were both worried about cops we didn’t have time to stop or slow down, but God took care of it all.

  What a ride! Nubun was so calm and wonderful he would tell me to relax during contractions and for some reason he had to tell me again during every single contraction because I’d forget from one time to the next and RELAXING DOES HELP! It’s like magic, but it isn’t easy to do.

  Every time I’d see a curve in the road or our exit coming up I’d holler out “Don’t turn!” because when he turned I would lean and it HURT. But you really can not drive anywhere without making a turn. With every contraction I’d yell out again “Don’t TURN!” then in between contractions I would apologize. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you.” And with the very next labor pain “Don’t turn!"

Nobody said a laboring Mama was reasonable!
 

   It was 9:12 and dark. I looked over at Nubun: “How much longer?”

  “15 minutes sweetheart” I looked at the clock. That meant 15 more contractions in the car. I squeezed my legs together dreading all 15 of them. But when they would come I’d concentrate on what my body was doing, I visualized my baby getting lower and in a comfortable position to come out. I imagined each contraction was giving her little lungs a massage preparing her to come out and take her first breath. A lot of things flashed through my mind. I remember looking at the lights outside and looking away so I could pay attention to the task at hand. I was tired and worn out for I was laboring and it was the hardest work I had ever done in my life!

   And then, we were there! Nubun started to turn into the birth center in spite of me yelling out “Don’t turn!” and then he realized he turned into the office side and not the birth cottages which were across the street.

   I was horrified and hollered out “You didn’t turn! Why didn’t you turn! You forgot to turn! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!!”

   When we got there everybody was in the parking lot waiting for us, my three midwives Ann, Michele, and Jenee and Hannah was there too. My chiropractor Dr Taylor was on her way. Ann opened up my car door and saw me. She just knew she was going to deliver that baby right there! I was paralyzed in a strong labor pain. I couldn’t move and she told me to just wait till it was over She asked me something I can’t remember what it was but I answered her back in a weak sounding voice :

 “Yes ma’am” She said I didn’t have to be polite, that a lot of Mama’s cursed at them. The only time I curse is when I am mispronouncing a similar word, or spell check got the best of me. So through my next contraction I was thinking how spell check was not a good thing...
 

   Ann told Nubun to undue my seatbelt and I don’t know how I got out of that car but I did and Ann was holding her hands out and I grabbed them and with my head held low and concentrating on the ground I followed her holding her hands as she walked backwards into the birth center. I was leaving another river of amniotic fluid behind me with every step I took. It was a hard slow walk but I made it! As we were entering my room I had just finished a contraction and I finally noticed Ann’s shoes, she was wearing sneakers. I remembered that at several of my pre natal visits either Nubun or I would ask Ann: “She has so much water in there, what does that mean? Is it bad?” And Ann would smile and she would always have the same calm answer: “All it means is that I am going to have to wear my rubber boots to your birth”

   As I was taking my final steps to my beloved birth tub I said: “You forgot to wear your rubber boots.”
  Standing by the birth tub they had to take my clothes off, they were not very birthing friendly. Nubun was ready, he had my cute Binsi skirt ready and dressed me, I could barely move, I could barely lift my feet up to help him! But then he put it on inside out so took it back off and tried to fix it.
  "NO." I said sternly. I didn't care, I was beyond caring about my cute birthing skirt.
   The birth tub was ready it looked warm and inviting, Jenee asked if I could get in by myself. Boy! could I! I stepped into that warm soothing water and it felt good! The lights were low and they had all the candles lit. Ann leaned over and in a low soothing voice she said to me: “Andrea, I noticed you have been tensing up and holding back. You are here now, just let it go and do what your body feels like.”

  What a relief! I had not had one single vaginal check throughout my whole pregnancy, which is what I had requested, yet I already knew it was time to push. I just knew it! When she said that I immediately got on my knees and with one hand holding my weight up and the other hand across the side of the tub (a possition my natural birth instructor, Donna Ryan had highly recomended) I submitted to my contractions and started working with them. I started pushing. I didn't tell anyone I was pushing, I wasn't thinking about pushing, I was just...pushing, it was a animalistic instinc I could not have stopped even if I wanted to!
    I had heard that pushing was a relief and that it felt good to push but I under estimated HOW perfect it felt and then I couldn’t stop pushing.

   
    I was quiet because only with absolute silence could I concentrate on what I had to do. If I made any noise I knew I would lose it. I was experiencing the worse back pain imaginable; I was having back labor, although I remember it like big waves of pain sweeping my entire body and not only my back. What really helped was Jenee and Nubun taking turns pouring hot water on my back.
    Natural labor was like nothing I had imagined. There was no more fear, and between contractions I had no dread, it was peaceful, quiet, perfect.

    I heard Michele say:

 “Is she pushing?” Then I heard somebody else answer: “Oh yeah, she’s pushing!”
I could hear hushed voices talking around me.
  "Ann! She is pushing."
  "Where is Nubun? get him in here."
  Nubun was immediately right by my side and he kept leaning over and kissing my arm, "You are doing good Andrea!" he kept repeating lovingly.

    Hannah was in front of me and when I would start to push she could tell by the look on my face, she would nod at Ann to let her know I was pushing. It was exquisic team work, everybody had their part and everyone was doing it perfectly.
    After a few pushes I remember thinking that I had to make some noise because I wanted them to know I was pushing so Nubun and Ann would be ready to catch the baby when she came out, I kept having visions of the baby coming out and falling to the bottom of the pool ...so I would grunt at the beginning of every push.
    Nubun was behind me saying sweet things to me, of the which I never heard. Hannah was in front of me telling me I was doing a good job, I never heard her either. I was in the zone. I wasn’t listening to anybody or responding to them when they’d give me instructions on what to do. It was not a conscious decision. Ann was telling me to move a little to the left of the tub so she could reach me, but I had a hard time concentrating on what she was telling me, and what was worse, I don't know my right from my left!

   When I was going through my contractions Ann was praying for me, what a comfort! What a blessing! 

  Ann told me that when the baby started crowning to give little pushes and to slow down so that she could help me not tear. When the time came I heard her say “Ok Andrea I feel the head, you are not but 10 minutes away from holding your baby.” But it wasn’t but a couple of minutes away when she had to tell me: “Give me little pushes here comes her head.”
  Hannah repeated her and I tried, I really and truly tried but when that giant wave came washing over me there was no power on earth that was going to stop me from giving the biggest push of my life, actually I am not sure if it was me pushing or my uterus was doing it on its own, but nonetheless she was crowning! I was waiting for the ring of fire, and the burning feeling everybody talked about but although I did feel it (vaguely) my back labor pain overpowered and over ruled everything.
   Ann told Nubun and he got in position to catch her. Not even 15 minutes after arriving at the birth center and Colleen came into our lives. She came out posterior and shot out like a rocket! All 8lbs and 14ozs of her! And she landed in her Daddy’s loving hands. He handed her to me and it all happened so fast I barely heard Ann say: “Andrea reach down and grab your baby.”

     It took me a little while to pop out of ‘the zone’. I never actually FELT her come out, I wasn't even sure she was out till I noticed my contractions had stopped and Ann was talking to me. I mentally shook my head and looked down as Nubun was handing me my baby, I reached down and picked up my little Colleen! And there is no feeling in the world like it as I cuddled her little body next to mine and kissed her little sweet head. I cried, I had waited so long for this moment. I had already loved her ever since I found out I was pregnant! And now, she was safe and sound in my arms. It was better then I had ever dreamed of!

    She had her cord wrapped around her neck but since she had such chubby little chins they covered it up and it took a few seconds before Ann and I saw it. They just calmly lifted her up and Jenee gently pulled the cord over her head and gave her back to me.

  Nubun was hovering beside us; and snapping pictures he was a happy and proud Daddy. “You made it look so easy honey!”

   She was perfect! No problems with her, all 10 fingers and toes accounted for, a perfect little bundle of love. I had secretly wanted a big baby because for the last trimester I had been having intestinal problems and I was afraid my baby wasn’t getting the proper nutrition she needed and I knew that if she came out tiny I would feel guilty even if it was out of my control. She was robust and healthy as she could be!

   I did tear but very little. I had 2 stitches but I was happy and on cloud 9, I didn't care except for the fact that I couldn't hold my baby during the process, but Daddy had a grand ole time cuddling with his youngest!
     We were having a party afterwards, talking and having a good time. My sweet friend and Photographer Tori Gillit came, I could hear her in the hallway. Then she saw me lying in bed and she ran and jumped on the bed beside me and kissed my cheek. What a wonderful friend she was! I was so happy for her to come by, and share my joy. There is nothing like being happy and having a room full of people to share your happiness with! Tori brought her camera with her and took some amazing pictures of our little family.  My chiropractor and dear friend, DR Taylor, gave Colleen and I adjustments just mere minutes after Colleen was born. Thanks to that adjustment I felt so much better after that birth than after having given birth the last two times. I had no tail bone pain that time around! Yay!
  Afterwards my baby and me soaked in our herbal bath, in a cute little claw footed bath tub. It was amazing! Nubun massaged Colleen's head with a little baby brush until she fell asleep.

 It was such a sweet time and moment for us! I was covered in huge towels so Tori could take pictures and Hannah could video tape the whole thing, we laughed and had a good time talking about what had happened in the past few hours.
   I also had to be catheterized afterwards (Ann told me that I was the first Mama she has ever had to cathiterize at the birth center since it was open, years ago) because my bladder got lazy on me and decided to take a rest. I was still on my natural high I didn't care! Hannah held my hand throughout the whole process and it was a relief!  They got 4,800CCs out of me! That is almost a gallon and a half of liquid. Ann just kept on shaking her head.

“I can’t believe it! I can’t believe it. You know they will never believe me when I tell them how much came out of you!” I laughed, and told her that my family would believe her. We were water drinkers! The whole process took like 30 minutes.

  Nubun was there and he said: “Andrea labored. Andrea Pottied. Guess which one took longer?”

       One of the things I enjoyed so much about having my birth at Gentle Beginnings Birth Center is I knew exactly who was going to be there, and I considered them all my friends and when the time came they were genuinely happy and excited for me and they were all smiles. We really did have an after birth party, talking and laughing and giggling, the concequences of lingering on cloud nine from a birth high!  

     From Left to right: My doula Hannah Reasoner, My chiropractor Betsy Taylor, Me, Colleen, Nubun, My midwife Ann Crowell, midwife Jenee Ohrvall, midwife Michele Masse.

I don't have a picture of Tori at the Center because she was taking all the pictures so here is Tori Gillit my friend and AKA Adele Photography.

    When it came time to leave the birth center and go home, I couldn’t contain my excitement! I couldn’t wait to show my little treasure to her two big sisters! When Evie and Jasmine did meet her for the first time, WOW! What fun! They instantly fell in love with her just like their Daddy and I did.

    Unfortunately, with all the excitement going on I completely forgot about my beloved cupcakes in the back of my car.

   Nubun and I thank the Lord for His mercy and His love He showed on us that day. I give Him all the glory and I thank Him for the wonderful birth team that I had, and the quick, very quick labor-- from the time my water broke till I pushed her out was 2 hours and 50 minutes-and counting from my active labor on, it was merely 90 minutes!! Yet it was a very safe delivery of our sweet little Colleen Faith Sangjun. Thank the Lord! Nothing short of a miracle!

  

    Welcome to the world Baby Colleen Faith Sangjun!

8lbs 14ozs 20 and half inches long.

Born October 23rd 2011. 9:49pm

    May your life be blessed and your love for Jesus and others be pure. Your Mommy and Daddy and big sisters love you very much!

 

Evie's Birth story part 2

 This is the second part of my first birth story. To better follow along with the story you can read the first part here   Evie's Birth Story ~part one
I was lying in bed looking around at the semi-dark hospital room. I wish now that I knew then what I know now, I should have been up and walking around, but then again I couldn't do that with the Cervidil. I just had to muster through my labor pains lying on my back, waiting for each wave that hit, one at a time and only 30 to 60 seconds apart, ALL NIGHT LONG. 
  It was not my imagination, and Nubun is a testament to this, the big flat screen TV in front of my bed was possessed! It kept on coming on, and turning off and I never touched a button! It was sort of spooky, and I was already drowsed up by that sleeping pill as it was...
   We were not able to relax much during the night, Nubun would hold my hand almost all night and he’d stroke it as I was going through a strong contraction. That was what most of our night consisted of.  Throughout the night I’d stretch my neck and try to see the computer screen behind me, I couldn’t see it. I asked Nubun to look at it.
  “Yeah I can tell you are having a contraction, barely.”
  What? Barely? Was that computer out of its mind!? I turned and twisted till I could see it. And sure enough it was showing very small contractions on there. I wanted to get out of that bed and march over to that screen and strangle it! How dare it not give me credit for the awful pain I was in?!!
  The nurses came in the room and were talking in low voices while they were doing something on that computer screen. I struggled with a strong contraction and right afterwards I asked them if they saw it on the screen. One of the nurse squinted her eyes as if she could barely see it, and said:  “Uh. Yeah I see it, you had one alright.”
 “Good!” I said proudly. “I get some credit for it.”
 She smiled sweetly and said: “They will get a lot stronger later on.”
    Stronger? I shuddered. Tears sprang to my eyes as I was going through another labor pain, I already knew they were only going to get stronger but I didn’t want to hear that. Later on I found out that I was dilating all night long and that computer was not reading my contractions barely at all. Even my very last contraction before Evie came out barely showed up. I think now, what are those computers good for anyways? If I am having labor pains I KNOW IT, I don’t have to have a monitor tell me so.
  I had a turkey sandwich that night, it was very good and I felt like my body needed it. After midnight though I was not allowed to eat or DRINK anything. When they told me that I panicked! I could go on for a long time without eating but not drinking. All my life I have guzzled water, during the day and throughout the night. My body required lots of water. Didn’t they understand that? Hospital policy!
   As the night went on I got thirstier and thirstier, and since I couldn’t sleep through my thirst and pain I was in that much more misery. I begged Nubun to bring me some drink and he would go then come back with a little cup of pitiful ice chips. I felt like slinging it across the room. I didn’t want ice chips! I wanted WATER in its liquid glorified form! It wasn’t long before I thought I was going to die from thirst then I resorted to begging in that humbling tone of voice that only a wife can use to manipulate her unsuspecting husband.
  “Nubun, get me some water, or I’ll die!”  I felt sorry for him because he likes to follow the rules and the rules were no water after midnight. I could see the conflict on his expression and I know he could see the misery in mine. I felt sorry for him but sorrier for myself. I grabbed his hands and looked into his eyes. “Pleeease! Nobody has to know!”
   He couldn’t stand to see his wife suffer and he was uncomfortable to go against our drill sergeant-doctors orders.
  I smiled. He snuck out of the room and came back in with a cup of liquid heaven! After I drunk it I looked at him and wanted to laugh, he looked so guilty! And I? I had never loved my husband more!  (Note: the water restrictions alone are cause enough for me to not want another hospital delivery ever again! People that know me well, would understand.)
   The long night rolled on, I don’t know how the minutes, seconds, and hours went by but they did. It felt like I was suspended in time, floating in space with nothing but waves and waves of pain rolling over me unmercifully. I never cried out loud just repeated Nubuns name over and over again and prayed out loud for God’s help. I was worn out because my pains were so close together. Who said they were 2 to 3 minutes apart? Huh? Who told me that? Mine were mere seconds apart, I didn’t have time to recuperate from one wave before another came. I felt like all night was just one long extended contraction. Yes, labor hurts.
   It was wearing on Nubun too, he needed some energy too and he raided our snack pack and spent the night munching on Slim Jims. When he ran out of those he raided my snack pack and ate all my Pop Tarts.
  When morning came things started going really fast.  The nurse started me on Pitocen before checking to see if I needed it or not. Then she checked me for dilatation and seemed surprised that I was at least 8 centimeters dilated, already on my own. She rushed out of the room to call my doctor.
  She came back in and said I had to have an enema. I told her I didn’t want one. So she called my doctor up and told her I didn’t want one. “Oh well” she said “She has to have one.” I was a little mad. It seemed barbaric, and at that point in my life I didn’t know how to stand up for myself. I thought the doctors orders were the law, a law you don’t argue with.
   I got the enema. And my nurse kept on saying that when I felt discomfort to let her know and she would quit pumping that liquid up my colon. Well, I was in so much labor pain I never felt a thing, I never told her to stop. So I got a good cleansing.  I thought I still needed ‘to go’ and after ‘going’ twice I told the nurse that I needed to go again. But I found out later on that it was Evie’s head that was already starting to crown.
  They asked me if I wanted an epidural, I was still drugged up from my sleeping pill and they had just giving me a Phenergan too, I didn’t even know what that was for at the time, but I was well doped up and had trouble concentrating on decision making. I asked if it would hurt my baby and they said it would only make her sleepy. Ok.
   The anesthesiologist came and was standing in front of me giving me instructions on what to do. I was smiling and acting they way I was feeling, all doped up. “Look!” I told the poor guy interrupting his instructions. I pointed to my toenails. “Aren’t they pretty? My husband painted them for me!”  He grinned then continued on. I interrupted him again as I turned to Nubun and smiled: “I see two of you!” I pointed at him and right beside him. “You are here and you are here!” Then I doubled over with another monster labor pain. My body was in shock, I was drunk with pain and drunk with drugs, never having to take anything stronger then a regular strength Tylenol before my body didn’t handle meds gracefully.
   I was drugged but my pain was only getting worse, and for the first time all night I finally said it: “I can’t do this! I can’t, I just can’t, it hurts too bad.”
  And then they gave me the epidural, I never felt the needle. It gave me instant relief.
The doctor came in mere minutes after that and the nurses all lined up in military fashion  when they saw her coming. They informed her on what was going on and she got onto them for giving me an epidural while fully dilated.  Then she examined me and exclaimed “There is the head! She is coming out!” She stomped her foot and clapped her hands. “Somebody start counting!”
  I got so excited and asked Nubun to see if he could see her head. He said that she had a full head of hair and it looked like a fuzzy coconut! 
  The nurse told me to push and started counting. This was my big chance! I pushed with all my might. The Doctor gave me an episiotomy, and 4 pushes later Evie was safely out.
She was tiny! And perfect! She was plopped on my belly and for a few seconds stuck in time I looked down at my little sweetheart. She started crying and stuck her fist up to her mouth and started sucking on it. Tears came to both our eyes. She was ours, we could look at her touch her… it seemed like just 10 seconds later the doctor cut her umbilical cord (which looked more like a telephone cord) and took her from me handing her to the nurse.  
   “Go! Go with her!” I told Nubun. He looked at me for a second before going over by his daughters side. "You did good Andrea, really good." I teared up, that meant so much to me.
She was 5lbs 15ozs, 20 inches long, and in perfect health. Our lives changed forever that morning.
   19 months later I had my second sweet little girl, and now I am 7 months pregnant with my third and I can’t wait to have a natural birth this time, with absolutely no unnecessary interventions. 
   Being a parent is indescribable, it is such and honor, such a blessing, such a privilege. Evie enriched our lives, and continues to do so with every passing day and I can’t imagine my life now without her. There is nothing in this world like giving birth; I thank my God for allowing me that beautiful privilege. God is so good!

                                                              Our Sleeping Newborn

Evie Now at 3 years old

The Bus Ride

So this blog is long over due. Maybe three months? A whole lifetime seems to have happened in three months. Most of that time I didn’t feel well enough to get on here and then when I did feel good I had a house load of work crying out for my attention. Although it’s more fun to write on my blog then fold laundry well, my duties come first. I still have laundry to fold but I hurt my back so I am on here, relaxing instead.

   While I was tired and worn out from this pregnancy and sick with nausea I found comfort in reading my Bible and appreciating the blessings God has given me. I would sit down on the sofa  holding back my gags and enjoy watching my little girls playing together. Running around me in circles while screaming like wild Indians, wrestling, fighting over a new toy, or just sharing Mommys lap.  This time of my life is such a sweet precious time. I love it that they play together like sisters should.  It makes me think of my sister, we are not close in age in fact Damara is 8 ½ years older then me. She just turned 40 a couple of weeks ago and I have been wanting to write about a trip I had with her almost 12 years ago, for quite some time now.

    Damara and James were going to adopt twins that were in Michigan and they were due to be born in a month. I was 19 and Damara decided to go up there by traveling in bus, and I had the privelage of going with her. We were going to pick up my new little niece and nephew and bring them home!  Oh! We were so excited and what a trip! Damara and I always had fun together, we prepared snacks and drinks and entertainment. As we climbed up on that stinky bus we were all smiles. As we were passing roles and roles of tired and sorta sad looking people looking for our seats I still was excited, we were prepared, we were ready! Ready for 36 hours of pour fun! What could go wrong!? 

   We sat down and the bus started, the fresh stinch of unwashed bodies filled my nostrils, but I didn’t care we were on the adventure of a lifetime! We started talking and laughing, reading books, playing games together, making sunbrewed ice-less tea and watching the static of a portable little TV. After a little while we both were looking around glancing at our watches and wishing we could stretch our legs a little. I was used to riding buses in Mexico and everytime down there when I would get tired I would just stand up and walk around a little so I tried that there. I stood up and started walking, awe! That felt good. Then I was startled to hear a loud and frusterated voice coming from the front of the bus. It was the driver.

 “Ma’am, please take your seat you are not allowed to move around while the vehicle is in motion!’ My face turned red and I sat down feeling very little and very young.

   We were both very disappointed, and as the hours started rolling by our moods started changing. There was a kid behind us that kept on coughing and coughing, and complaining that he was thirsty. His poor mother couldn't do anything because she had nothing to drink. I looked down at my depleting supply of water. People who know me, know that I drink A LOT of water and going thirsty is my worst fear of all. I'm pretty sure I had tears in my eyes as I turned around and offered some of my water to the suffering child.
   Time creeped by and after a while just seemed to stand still. Everybody else had already fallen asleep and so out of sheer boredom I did too. After a while I was startled awake by a sharp elbow in my side.

  “Whaaaa?” It was Damara. “Wake up!” she said so I rubbed my eyes and looked around. It was dark and everybody else was still asleep.

   “Why?” I asked.

  “Because I can’t sleep, and I am lonely”

   Ok. I sat up and tried to think through the fog of my sleepy brain for a conversation starter. Nothing. Within minutes I was asleep again. She woke me up again. “My body aches”

 “So does mine! I think I am going to go to the bathroom just so that I can have an excuse to walk around.”

  I did just that, but I didn’t tarry in there long. I came back pretty fast. My face was a little green.

  “Ewe!” I whispered to my sister. “It is nasty in there! I’m going to wait till we stop next to use the bathroom.” And I did just that.

  We stopped at a gas station and EVERYBODY hurried out, first ones out of the bus were the ones with the sharpest elbows. I was last. I was the last one in the long line of ladies waiting to go to the bathroom. The bus driver was heading back to his spot behind the wheel and I still hadn’t gone yet! I started to panic and when the person that was in front of me finally came out I was flying in there. When I got out I was running, and when I got to the spot where the bus was suppose to be- it was gone.
   Whaaa!  It had only moved a few feet. Fortunately Damara was looking out for her little sister and when the bus started and I wasn’t on it she rushed up to the front and stopped the driver.

  “Wait! My sister is still in the bathroom!”

  The driver was a no-nonsense kind of a guy and didn’t appreciate my tardiness. I ran around the corner and climbed up into the bus applogizing. He just grunted and shook his head in disapproval.

   We took our seats and the long boring process of doing nothing started back up. I slept a lot because since it was night time there was nothing to look at and well, back then I could fall asleep faster then the drop of a hat. Poor Damara, she was in insomnia misery.
     After a few more hours had crawled by we stopped again and everybody started piling out of the motorized misery. I sharpened my elbows and made SURE I was not the last one out. I looked over and Damara was finally asleep. Good, she needed it. I used the restroom and even had time to buy a few snacks. Then when I saw the crowd moving I ran out to the bus determined not to be the last one in again. As I got to my seat Damara was not there. I had assumed that she had gone inside to use the restroom also. I got nervious as the crowd of people tumbled in and when all the dust had settled the only empty seat was hers. Oh no! The engine was starting! I jumped out of my seat to recue my sister.

  “Wait!” I called out to the grouchy driver. “My sister is still in the bathroom out there”

  He turned in his seat and looked at me, recognizing me he growled and I could tell he was contemplating throwing my sister and me off his precious bus- uh, at least that was what I feared. Thankfully he stopped and we both turned our heads to the gas station door, waiting for Damara to come out.

   Mean time what I didn’t know is that Damara had not gotten out at all but had awakend and decided to use the bus bathroom because she also feared not getting back in time. That bus driver was scary! As she was coming down the aisle she saw me standing by the driver and both of us looking intently out the window. She came up behind me and leaned over trying to see what we were looking at. I saw a movement out of the corner of my eye and turned around.

  “Damara!” The bus driver turned too and saw her. I think his face turned a couple of shades of red with anger as he turned the engine on and headed out.
   It wasn't over yet. We had to change buses in Chicago and had to wait outside in the wind and freezing cold, it was November and it was really COLD. We were afraid of missing the next bus so we staid outside for way over an hour. That wasn't very good for us Texan girls. a few days later we were sick with a fever and ear infections.

    Needless to say, it was a long drive. By the time we got there we had both aged a couple of decades and our rear ends were sore for days. We vowed never to take a long bus ride ever again! Yet, then again I know that neither Damara nor I would change that time in our life for anything. A lot of times the most memoriable and precious memories we have are the ones that were not so perfect at the time.

This is Damara, James and their sweetheart twins

Tiffany and Jared

    I was trying to think of a Scripture verse that would go good with this story and non come to mind so I will just leave with the thought of one of my favorite verses of all times.

The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him. Nahum 1:7

The Third Time I Found Out I Was Pregnant

   I had already been suspecting it for over a week. There was a change in my body and it just felt different, my body heat was higher and I had body aches that sort of felt like growing pains. It really wasn't time to take the test yet but I took it anyways. Patience is not a grand virtue of mine.
   After I took it I walked to the kitchen and tried not to think about it too much. I was waiting for Nubun to tell me whether or not the second line had appeared. Since I got to see the results of Evie and Jasmine's pregnancy test first in the past Nubun asked me if this time he could look at the results first.  I sat down and Nubun came up to me.
  "I'm sorry hun, but there is only one line. I still think you are pregnant though it's just too soon to tell just yet." He hugged me as I felt two big ole tears well up in my eyes. Throughout that Saturday I would go back to the test, look at it straining my eyes to see if another pink line had magically appeared. Finally after a few hours of feeling silly I tossed it in the trash. Two days later I took another one and Nubun said the same thing. Once again a obsessed with the test, staring at it this way and that, twisting it in different directions in the light. Aha! I saw a faint white line. Yes. I said white. But it was a line nonetheless. I put the test down and didn't look at it again for several hours.  After Nubun had gone to work that day and I was giving the girls their bath I just had this feeling, a peace in my heart, I wasn't crazy I WAS pregnant and I knew it! I silently thanked the Lord for His blessing. That night before going to bed I happened to glance at the test one more time. I blinked. There in the results window there had appeared a very faint second PINK line. Now I know you are not suppose to read results after ten minutes but it really didn't matter, I already knew.
   I went to bed that night with a big ole smile plastered on my face, and joy in my heart. The next day I took another test, and again the day after next. Both times the second line was very very faint, to see it you had to look very close and use some imagination.  I felt very frustrated and silly all at the same time.
  That day was beautiful outside, it was white with ice and snow, we had ran out of tests so Nubun got in our Lexus and headed off to buy ONE MORE TEST. As soon as he got back home I took it.
  "Well?" I asked Nubun. He looked at me trying to not smile. "It is the same" he said "It is just too fainted to tell. You just aren't pregnant."
  I frowned. "It is called 'faint' not 'fainted'! Now let me see it!"
  "No!" he said and started to run away. I was quick though and snatched it out of his hand, then he was chasing me around the house. When I would lift up the test to see the results window he would grab my arm and start shaking it to where my eyes couldn't focus.
  "Nubun! Stop it!" I laughed and finally got a clear view of the second pink line.
  I smiled.
 Although I already knew it felt real good to finally get some proof. We hugged each other and thanked the Lord for our newest tiniest little member of our family.
   It doesn't matter if you are finding out for the first time, the third time, or the twenty third time each and every pregnancy and baby special and unique in it's own way.

  Thank the Lord!! What a blessing!!  We are due October 12.

Evie's Birth Story ~part one

Evie’s Birth Story    

Part 1

    People walking by stopped and looked at me, I saw pity in their eyes. I didn’t care I was wrapped up in my own misery, pain, discomfort, and sheer joy! We were at the mall, and Nubun was encouraging me to walk. I was 40 weeks and a day pregnant, and as round as a butterball. I hardly walked it would be more appropriately described as ‘waddling’. I felt like the baby was going to fall out of me if I didn’t walk half crossing my legs. Every Braxton and hicks, was very painful. I’d stop and pretend to be concentrating on looking at something intently. Nubun, would stop with me, try to see what I was looking at then give up when it wasn’t interesting enough. He would pat my tummy and encouraged Evie to come out already.

   That was on a Saturday evening, and that night I woke up several times with labor pains. It was very frustrating, I would wake up with pain and when it would go away I would have to go to the restroom I would come back, lay back down on the sofa because I couldn’t get comfortable in bed, start to doze and have to go pee pee again. It was a vicious cycle!  The next day we went to church, I felt energetic and good, but every once in a while I would stop while walking down the hall and slightly double over with a contraction, straighten back up and go on into church. Every time I would have a contraction, even though they were irregular and far between Nubun would always say: “Soon Hun, soon!”  And I would smile and feel accomplished. That Sunday afternoon we went behind the church where there were some beautiful spring flowers and he took my final maternity photos.
  

   That night I was having regular contractions, and Nubun slept beside me on the floor and timed them till he was exhausted and fell asleep. They had started around 2:30 in the morning but I was disappointed when my contractions stopped around 6:30.

   That Monday morning we went to see my doctor. Tears came to my eyes when I found out my cervix had not thinned out at all and I wasn’t dilated any. I was SOOOOOOooo ready to have this baby! She said that they were going to induce me at the hospital, that they would call and tell me when. I didn’t want to get induced but I didn’t say anything at the moment. Nubun asked me where I would like to go eat lunch and I picked a little country café. While we were there my doctors office called and told me to be at Baylor’s All Saints at 8 that night to be induced. When I hung up with them, I was numb with fright, and out of my self with excitement! I ate all my chicken fried chicken and was finishing up with my chocolate cake when I looked up at Nubun and said: “You know, in just hours we are going to meet our little girl we are going to see her face for the first time!! We are going to be parents!” He was seeing stars with the thought of meeting his daughter so soon. So was I.

   And then we paid with my Discover card and with all the cloud nine bliss we were going through we didn’t even notice that they stole it till days later.  

   On the way home from the restaurant I started having second thoughts and doubts about getting induced. I called two friends of mine both were nurses in the labor and delivery department at the hospital. They both discouraged me to get induced giving me the pros and cons of doing so. I started crying, not knowing what to do and scared of my doctor. Finally when we got home I was in a mess, I mustered up the courage to call my doctor: “I don’t want to be induced.” I said sweetly. “Why not? I am the doctor, not you. The sonogram said your baby is big, at least 9 pounds, and you are over due!” She was mean and a bully, I cried on the phone and ended up giving in: “Ok, I will see you at the hospital” she didn’t say anything just hung up.

   I had made my decision and decided to be happy about it. I took a long warm shower and lied down to get a nap. Nubun kneeled down beside me and rubbed my tummy. He had tears in his eyes as he told me that in a way he was going to miss having Evie in my belly, that this was the end of our pregnancy. We were not going to be able to see her deform my midsection with her acrobatics, and watch her hiccup and make my belly button dance in harmony. A flash back of the last nine months went by I had been brutally sick, nauseated, uncomfortable, and miserable. I couldn’t eat properly, couldn’t sleep comfortably, and I waddled instead of walked. My teeth were in bad shape, a lot of my hair had turned grey, and I had enough stretch marks on me to build a road map, and yet even so, it was the most wonderful and glorious 9 months of my life! Sweet tears also came to my eyes. He was so tender and loving that it calmed my trembling heart and silenced my fear of labor. I never felt closer to my husband then at that very moment. I knew everything was going to be ok, God was on the throne, and He still cared for me.

    My Mom, Damara, Sarah, Tiffany and Jared came by and they gave me a hug and kissed me and the kids gave me some pictures they had colored. It was an encouragement to me. Then after they left it was time to go. We got in our SUV and headed on down the road to the hospital.

 I felt every bump, pot hole and turn in the road. I started labor, all the way to the hospital I was having regular contractions, and this time they never did stop.

   It took them a while to get my room, but they finally did and they sat me in a wheel chair and rolled me in there. The first thing I saw as the door to our room opened was the little plastic baby bed. I started jumping out of my skin with excitement, my heart was racing and I started breathing faster. One more wave of reality hit me when I realized that soon my baby was going to be in that bed! I felt like I was floating in the clouds looking down at someone else’s life, it was all too good and exciting to be mine!  

   I donned on the skimpy hospital robe, and signed some paperwork. I don’t remember much from this time because I was in so much pain, but I do remember the nurse coming in to give me an IV. She was on one side of the bed getting ready to stick me and Nubun was on the other side holding my hand.

  “Be gentle with her.” He begged “She is a little bit nervous” I was, but nothing like him! The nurse smiled as she put the stretchy rubber band thingy around my arm.

  “She will be fine.” I was, she was good and I didn’t even feel a thing, but Nubun on the other hand wasn’t doing that great. He never did quit squeezing the life out of my hand and his face turned white.

  Our nurse for the night came in she was a pretty blonde probably younger then me that had a cheerful, caring and sweet attitude. Unfortunately she didn’t have the ‘experience’ of a veteran nurse. She was going to check and see if I had dilated any on my own before she gave me the Cervadil.  I always hated, well, it was beyond hate, and I LOATHED getting checked for dilation. It hurt. 

  Boy oh boy oh boy did it hurt! She started out calmly with a sweet smile but when she couldn’t feel anything she started getting this concentrated look on her face and started digging deeper with her two fingers. I thought she was going to drill a hole right through me and was going to come out my nose. I was trembling from head to toe, my legs were shaking. She looked at me and smiled again as she told me to relax. Was she nuts? I did try but it was positively impossible to relax. I saw her frowning with concentration, then I closed my eyes wishing all along for a more experienced ‘dilation checker’.

   And I hadn’t dilated any.  So she inserted the Cervadil, and said that I would be cramping all night long and gave me an Ambien (sleeping pill) so that I would get some rest. Cramping? Yeah right! My foot! I wished it was just cramping.

   My labor pains were strong and constant, and I had to go to the bathroom very often. I would get up, Nubun would help me then I would stop and double over in pain I would wait for the contraction to end then I would head to the toilet when I would get there, which took me about 15 seconds I would have another contraction. 

After I used the bathroom I would wash my hands then by the time I reached the door another contraction would hit me and I would double over in pain again. This was basically what took place all night long, no let up, no rest and DEFINITELY no sleep, even with a sleeping pill.

From then on my memories get little foggy thanks to that stupid sleeping pill. All it did was add to my misery I was a drunk woman in an ocean of pain, labor pains were going over me like tsunami waves.