My Family

My Family
-Cozumel 2014

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

My FaceBook birth Story, part 1

This is a blog post made solely from Facebook comments, posts and private messages. It's how Facebook friends and myself told my birth story.  If you've never had a Fb birth, I highly recommend it. It's fun!
   October 12th.

Me: "Here's to all those well intended sweet friends of mine who said with pity-full sorrow in their voices: "You don't think you are going to make it to your due date do you?" and believe me, there were many! I'd smile at them and say "Oh yes! I do think I'll make it!" and here I am, my baby and I made it to our due date!! Praise the Lord! yay! And feeling great! -maybe just a tad slow and addicted to naps, but I'm doing swell!!!"
     Me to my doula Hannah: "Wonderful!! Baby is head down AND no longer posterior!!!! --plus: Ann said I had the 'glow' so won't be long. 
No idea what the 'glow' is but I like it anyways..."
 10 days overdue. 
    Me:   "  I guess my 'glow' wasn't strong enough?? 
    Hannah: " Shine a flashlight on your belly in the dark. That will really make you glow! :)"
    Me talking to Amanda:  "Thinking of you. Just remember, it's just a guess date. No pressure, but just in case we go at the same time....I get the red room. :-D"
   Amanda:  "Now you've made it a challenge...I'll race you to it :)"
   Heather:  "hahaha, you two are hillarious! It would be so funny if you were both laboring at the same time at the same center!"
   Becca:  "I am so pathetic first thing I do when I get up in the morning is run in here to check yours and Amanda's status... I SO NEED A LIFE... I am just so excited for you BOTH!"
     Me: "Me too Becca!! Me too!! We need to start a club 'Pathetic birth Nuts club' hahaha!
I keep checking my status too to see if I'm in labor or not. Nothing from me today!! Hahaha..."
      Betsy Taylor  "LOL you dingy ladies!"
     Elizabeth  Smith:  " I want a club.... do you have to be prego to join?? I could be the coach.... or something....."
      Becca:  "I am joining yours and Amanda's race to see who has the baby first. I was reading your status and if your MW will let you go up to three weeks past, I just might beat you both! =) Don't worry you can still have the RED room, but the races begin! I hope you have a Wonderful Friday!"
       Me: " What?! Amanda, are you reading this?? 
Castor oil it is!!
AGAIN. I hate Castor Oil. Got to think of something else.... I'm just gonna tel my MIL to turn up the spice-o-dometer on her Thai food. Maybe I'll go run a marathon too... Ok. That's funny, me running that is..I'm cracking myself up! 
Ps. Don't forget my dog Bella is in the race too! Hahaha"
       Amanda: " That is SO not funny Becca. You can NOT beat us!!! IT MUST GO IN ORDER! Me, Andrea, Bella and THEN Becca ;) If you all want to go into labor at the same time that will be fine but you can't leave me behind :)"
       Me: "Maybe Bella could get the red room?  Amanda, I gotta strange feeling we WILL go in that order. It's only fair right?? Haha. Sorry Becca. :-0"
     Amanda:  "NEGATIVE! I am NOT sharing the red room with a dog, lol."
     Me: "By the time my baby is born this will be what she looks like compared to the average newborn. A tad over-cooked?"
    Amanda:  "LOL!! Mine is going to come out talking and walking. :) And I was really hoping for a small baby."
     Me:  " Hahaha! Well, I don't know Amanda, I healed up a lot quicker from my 8 pounder then I did my 5 pounder. I don't think you or I have a chance for a small baby anymore!"
     Kathleen Gardner:  "so how long will they let you go over before "helping" you out?"
     Me:   "As long as the baby and I are healthy..... :) I'm actually glad I wasn't induced at 40 weeks with this one like I was with the other two. At 40 weeks she was transverse and not in a good position to come out. Since I have waited my baby has accommodated herself into a very safe and 'proper' position to come out. And I feel tons better now about going into labor then I did 9 days ago. Still--it is hard to wait, I'm ready to meet her, hold her and feed her.... Ooooh. It can't be long!!"
    Tori:  ‎"They almost always turn on their own and stay put when they get close to being delivered." another invaluable lesson learned through The Bradley Method and Donna Ryan"
  Me:  "I think that if given the chance Jasmine would have turned and I would have had an easier delivery with her. But OBs are so impatient. At least mine was."
    Tori:  " When exactly was your's and Amanda's due dates? Will was 10 days overdue before he decided to show up :)"
  Me: " Ronda, I'm not scared of a big baby! Not even a little! I was a couple of years ago... Not this time around!  It is fun to joke about though."
   Tori:  "Amanda's was the 11th that makes her 10 days passed due today..."
   Me: I'm at 9 days --Amanda is at 10. She has been preggo for 290 days --me 289. :-)"
   Donna Ryan:  "I promise -- these babies *will* come out!"
   Me: " What!!? I'm NOT going to be pregnant forever? Haha. I know Donna, and this time around I don't have the pressure of a doctor or hospitals policies... I'm contented to wait. Although I am ready. Anytime now!"
    Me: "My baby is in position to be born!!!! (first time EVER!). Yes! Yes! Yay!!!! Praise the Lord!!!"
  Sherian:  " Hmm...I wonder if your mama's intuition was right and she will be here tomorrow?? How's the dog?"
  Me:  "Sherian, dog is still pregnant too. She better wait her turn! Its still Amanda's turn first then mine then hers.... :-D   Baby is not engaged but in a good position. Still not in a hurry, just waiting on the Lord! His timing is better then ours."

Thursday, January 26, 2012

The Case FOR The Little Old Lady

The case FOR the little old lady.

See pictures
  I prayed a lot before writing this blog post, and I wrote it mainly for myself but also for my young Mommy friends who sometimes just find it hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

   Being a parent at all is mildly put 'challenging.' Anybody who does not agree  is either lying or not a parent. Being a full time Mum makes me physically tired. The only time of the day I can halfway relax is when my sweet babies sleep.  I say halfway because even though I may not be doing some heavy physical labor  my nerves are on end ready to jump at the first sign of a baby crying,  or of them stirring or of some random noise happening that would wake them up.

   I'm never truly off the hook.

   You may come over and visit with me and I'll sit down and talk with you for an hour getting up only every few minutes to kiss a booboo or discipline a misbehaving toddler, but the truth is, is that while I am sitting there talking to you I am still at work, I'm still on call and every gene in my body is in tune for my children's needs.
    I wish sometimes I could relax, maybe even have visions of those long but not forgotten days when I could go to a quiet home after a 8hr day at the office, soak in a giant lavender smelling  hot bubble bath, then lay on the couch eating potato chips while dozing off to sleep just from being so relaxed. The truth is there is not a job out there (that I know of, you may know of one) that is so continual.
      What makes it so exhausting is that it's not only the physical part but also the emotional. I don't love anybody more than my God and my husband, but besides that my little ones have every bit stolen my heart. I could not be more emotionally involved, which simply put- is emotionally exhausting!
    The responsibility of guiding my child into adulthood with a clean heart, a clear mind, a sweet attitude, and a Godly testimony weighs heavy on my heart. Nothing else out there will impact the personality and character of another humans life like a parent will, whether it be through care or through neglect.
    It's my pride and joy to have perfect kids, a clean house, wrinkle free clothes and neatly shaped eyebrows. Unfortunately a lot of times I have normal kids that STILL need disciplining, a house that has mountains of dirty laundry, sometimes clean ones but always wrinkled and needing another round in the dryer - yes, I use my dryer as an iron. And my eyebrows tend to get bushy and looking more like a forehead beard than eyebrows.
  But that is ok because at the end of life's day, when I am old and wrinkled laying in a hospital type bed next to my Nubun, we will be holding hands and reminiscing the good ole days. The days when we were needed, the days when we couldn't sleep well because a baby was crying, a toddler was scared of thunder and needed cuddling, the nights when it'd take an hour and a half just to put the girls to sleep because they wanted us to read to them just ONE MORE BOOK, sing to them 'Sunbeam' just one more time (for the 5th time), and let's pray again because you forgot to hold MY hand. The days when whining was at its highest, tears were in abundance, and they just HAD to be held and you could NOT put them down. The times when we would just stand there in the living room looking at each other wondering in frustration what to do next.
  We will remember watching them run down the hall with little short legs moving faster then the eye, when they would manage to get more bath water on the floor than in the bathtub, they'd turn the cars atmosphere 10 decimals louder then the local circus, and when they'd whine and plea for us to play 'ring around the rosie' with them for the 15th time that night.
   It's the hard times that makes us humble, the trials that teach us patience, the many prayers lifted up during the rough patches that teach us wisdom, and just the details of life that makes up the best of memories.
It's important to enjoy this time WHILE it is going on. Because although memories are great, moments are even better.
"It IS hard, and some days you'd rather forget, but if you never get to enjoy your kids, you need to relax...I really want more from what I'm doing and the time I spend with my kids than the satisfaction of 'having done it' someday when they are grown and gone. ...speaking of those moments, today within the span of a minute I said the following: 'Don't spit on the floor,' and 'Don't bite my butt.' It can be humorous if you have the right attitude." -my friend Susan Taylor. Maybe a good attitude, a littler relaxation and some good old fashion prayer will help keep focus on the beauty on now.
   When the little old lady in the Wal Mart check out line tells you to "treasure every moment with them" it's not because she has forgotten how hard it is to be a Mother of young kids, it's because she knows how short that time is and how precious those moments fly by. And because she can look back and remember those years as the best of her life.  She KNOWS! Listen to her! They say wisdom comes with time, she's had more time than you.
   Now I do know that there are some people that would need three lifetimes to qualify for an opinion but on the most part your elders have been there done that and can tell you a piece or two about wisdom. Yes, their memories are fading, but what remains of it is really what matters. Yes they don't remember everything, like how exhausted a young Mother can get, and how children can invent 12 different ways to stress you out in only 43 seconds.
But they have already gone through it and know that at the end,  it truly IS the hard times that you'll miss.
  I'm not saying to feel guilty because you are looking forward to nap time, counting down the minutes till bed time, and dreaming of the day you'll have vacation time, I'd be a hypocrite if I said that. I am just saying that when you are emotionally drained, physically exhausted, and 2 seconds away from a puddle of tears just remember the wisdom of that little old lady.  And pray through your frustration, pray that you will be aware of the good ole times as they are happening, that you'll be thankful for your blessings while you still have them.

    And yes, that you will ENJOY, treasure and cherish this fleeting moment in your life.
Hug your babies, love on them NOW while they still think you are superwoman. Embrace theses moments and thank God for them.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Chill in my Spine

Marriage is fun, exciting, beautiful and hard. Anybody out there who'd like to disagree with me has simply never been married before. But as my brother Nathan puts it: "Marriage can be a little piece of Heaven on earth if you put God first."
  My husband is at work now and all three of my daughters are asleep. I miss him when he is gone, everyday he works and I think about him often and look forward for when he comes back home so I can tell him all the adventures my little girls have been up to lately. "Evie TAUGHT ME how to work the iPad" Jasmine tee teed in the potty" "Colleen is now playing with toys" of course there is always the times where:
   "I've had such a rough day, Colleen had gas and fussed a lot, Jasmine tee teed on the floor, banged Evie on the head with a block, and ate an old petrified Hershey's kiss she found outside -wrapper and all! Evie whined all day, she whined for you, she whined for cheese, she whined for crayons, she whined because the puppy didn't kiss her back."
  Through it all I have my husband to listen to me and share my joys and sorrows. He always listens to me even if sometimes he is reading the consumer report at the same time, at least he glances up at me to see if I'm still talking, grunts and continues on reading. I know he listens to me, maybe subconsciously but he does.
  Just last week I had told him that I asked Evie if she remembered being in Mommy's tummy and she answered me with a big matter of fact kind of voice "yes," then giggled and continued on "I liked it,it was warm in Mommy's tummy." I was shocked speechless!    And when i told Nubun I just knew he would make fun of me but he didn't say anything except a mildly interested sounding "oh, hm"
  But a few days later he said to me: " you know what the highlight of my week was?"
  "no, what?"
  "When you told me about Evie talking about being in your tummy." I started to cry because I felt foolish even telling him that, and felt like a silly woman believing my almost 4 year old could actually remember that. But he validated me, he took me serious and made me love him just that much more.
  Ok, I was not planning on writing about all that but I was thinking about Nubun and when I first started liking him and our years together and the now. But now I will go back to what I originally was going to write about.
  How Nubun slowly wriggled his way into my heart. Now don't get me wrong, I love those stories out there about 'Love at first site, or at first date' but our story just happens to not be one of those.
  When I came up here to the States I was as clueless and naive as they come. I didn't know how to drive, had no sense of direction, couldn't get anywhere when I did start driving, had no idea how to open a checking account, sign up for school, or even apply for a job. Nubun helped me with all of those. It's not something we planned but he offered me just to be nice and I took up his offer out of necessity.  I didn't really like him at the time and he didn't like me but felt sorry for me drowning in my own pool of helplessness. And we slowly started tolerating each other then, enjoying each others company, and finally after a while we actually liked each other.
   My first year of school was good but I was over confident in my English class. I wrote a paper for my homework and totally and utterly failed the assignment. I wasn't paying attention to my professor and did my own thing. That day when I went to class and my teacher handed me back my paper with a big fat "F" on it written in bright red ink I was shocked! Not that I thought I was great in school, that's laughable, but because writing was then only thing I considered myself mildly good in. If I failed that, how was I going to fair in my other classes?
  I remember that day clearly. I was sitting down in the front row where I always sat, right in front of teachers desk and my tears were rolling down my cheeks, dripping off my chin and soaking a pop quiz my teacher had just surprised us with. I was staring at it blankly, I couldn't pop out of my self grief enough to even read what it was about, I couldn't even read it through the blur of tears. I, to this day still have no idea what that quiz was about. All I knew was that I had failed my very first English paper and I was heart broken. My teacher took compassion on me, seeing how I was silently weeping like a willow with an open faucet.  After reading the instructions twice and still not remembering one word I read I picked up my pencil, wiped the snot off my nose with my sleeve and tried to write something. My teacher walked by and took compassion of me and wrote on my paper a big "A" and told me to go home.
  I did, and blubbered all the way home and told Mae (my sister in law) all about it. Then after a few minutes I went back to school for my next class. I knew that Nubun was coming over to wash his clothes that day and I just knew Mae would tell him all about my hysteria. And in my heart I knew Nubun was going to feel sorry for me, for that was just how he was. He had a tender heart. After my math class I stepped out into the hallway and started to head over to my history class but stopped. I had a sixth sense, and a sweet chill went down my spine as I slowly turned around and there he was standing there in his bright orange sweater waiting for me.
   Nubun had a big enough heart to feel sorry for me going through my silly little meaningless drama, enough, to go out of his way to come see if I was ok.
  That afternoon his big tender heart creeped into mine. That was 12 years ago. Now after wedding vows, three children and too many dogs, he still takes care of me, listens to my silly dramas, and goes out of his way just to make sure I am ok.  That's my Nubun, and I love being married to him. He still is and always will be my very bestest buddy.  I still get that sweet chill in my spine when he comes home, the one that makes my tummy turn into knots and my heart beat wild.

Honeymoon picture when we were both young and pretty

Friday, January 6, 2012

My Happy New Year and fair-well 2011 letter

   Dear Everybody who reads this, 

   Wow! Well, happy new year! I hope you had a great start to a great year. You know how some people send out Christmas letters instead of Christmas cards? They recount on the year what all they have been up to? Well, this is my happy new years letter, farewell to 2011. 
   2011 was an eventful year, to say the least. Nubun and I have been busy with our growing little family. We started off the New Year getting snowed in (Texas style) for three days and while we were stuck in the house we found out we were pregnant with our third child! At the time I was still seeing my OBGYN and was considering finding another when the cascade of events started. I changed my OB doctor for Certified Nurse Midwives at Harris hospital and eventually to the care of a Certified Professional Midwife, Ann Crowell, at a free standing birth center, Gentle Beginnings Birth Center. We were both very happy and satisfied with our care there.  
      I made many new friends this last year a lot of it was revolving around preparations for a natural healthy birth and baby. Nubun and I took natural birthing classes (with Donna Ryan) and totally relearned the way birth can go. I do not want to dote too much on this subject but I'll just say we learned that birth is part of life, and God made a woman's body to birth safely if left alone so the body can do its job.  
   On October 23rd my water broke at home, and 3 hours later Colleen was born in the birthing tub, at the birth center, into her Daddy's hands.  I'm still get chills thinking abou
t that day! She was 8lbs 14ozs and 20 and a half inches long. 
    Two days later our dog Bella had her puppies and we got some wonderful pictures of all 7 of our newborns! 
  I learned what the word 'Crunchy' means to the health nuts out there. I learned how to spell Wednesday. 'Wed-nes-day'.  And I learned what the difference between 'then' and 'than' is.  
I also learned the great advantages of chiropractic care and good natural supplements. (thanks Dr Taylor!)
 Evie's favorite thing to do is still 'hang' on the couch, literally hang half on half off the couch, bed or anything that's available, she has become quite the little artist, too  coloring, painting, doing crafts, she also loves to dress up like a little pretty princess. Jasmine has similar interests mainly because she likes to ape her big sister. Jasmine likes to drink water,  and carry her sippy cup around. She has the Bob Patterson water bug--which makes me so proud! She is such a sweet two year old and she loves to cuddle! All three of my girls enjoy cuddling.  Jasmine has graduated to Mrs Sheila's Sunday school class, the big girls class, and Evie sang in the primary choir for Christmas last year. I was soooooo PROUD! Colleen loves it when we make eye contact with her and talk in a girly girly kind of voice. She is such an easy going gentle baby. Thank the Lord for all of my little girls. 
  Nubun finally got first shift at his job at Alcon, and what a blessing it has been! He has totally turned into a morning person. And his new thing now a days is a juice diet,  out of fresh produce.  We both love drinking juice, I think my kids would prefer drinking bleach. 
   It's also been a sad year, we have lost some friends and family that were near and dear to our hearts. At the beginning of the year we lost Mrs Colleen Bond (we named our baby after her), brother Lyle McCoy, and a great aunt of ours, aunt Viola at 102 years of age. Also my great aunt Erlene Jackson. 
  December was great! Mainly because we are all Christmas fruitcakes but also we had an unexpected blessing on Christmas day, I ran into an old friend at church I hadn't seen in 11 years and had totally lost all contact with! That was so cool!  Also in December another old friend of ours found us through FaceBook we had also lost all contact with her for almost 5 years.
  It's always a good year when my whole family gets together! My brother and his family, my Mom and sister Sarah came up here to visit. We had a little family party over here at my house where we broke not one but two piƱatas! One by hitting it with a stick while blind folded and the other one by dropping it....  
   It was a good year, God blessed in so many different ways. Nubun and I have learned so much and have grown as a couple. Thank the Lord for all His goodness and mercy He shows toward us everyday!
  You all have a wonderful year and may God bless each and every one of you.

With love,
The Sangjun family


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

If You Looked in my Window

   As I was putting the girls to bed last night I stopped in the middle of singing 'Only a Boy Named David' and just stared at them.  I was having a thoughtful moment, and a knot came to my throat. I was tired, and at the time I actually felt old, because I was so tired. As I looked at them sitting there on their pillows looking at me with heir cute sweet baby faces, I was afraid to blink and miss this moment- this time in my life that I was so blessed to live.
   Evie wrinkled up her eyebrow.
  "Mom, is your mouth broke? I want more sing."
  "Sing!" Jasmine echoed
   So I resumed that song, and the rest of  my bucket of nighttime kids songs. I prayed with them, holding Evie's hand and Jasmine's foot. My eyes were already closed when we grabbed hands and foot, I could claim that I hadn't noticed but in reality I was just too sleepy to care she had given me her foot instead of her hand.  I kissed them good night and close the door behind me, but I don't leave. I knew their routine.
  I open the door and get down on my knees, they both run up and get on my lap and lay their heads on my shoulders. I rock them like that back and forth while I hum one last song.  We do that every night. Then I got up and went to my room.  I brushed my teeth and went to bed. I talked to Nubun for a little till I heard his snoring. I rolled over and fell asleep. Around 1am I wake up to this strange yet familiar feeling. I open my eyes to see Evie's little face about 2 inches away from mine, she was staring at me. She opened her mouth.
  "I know. You're scared. Go see your Daddy."
 So if I was doing a good job as a Mommy I would have made her go back to sleep in her room. Instead I watched her climb up on top her Dad and fall asleep on his chest. He barely even woke up, he has a gift. He can sleep through anything and that's why I didn't feel guilty about sending her to him.
 Well, not guilty enough to keep me awake.
 The bed movement woke up Colleen. So I pick her up, kiss the top of her head and nursed her as I dozed.  2 hours later I take Evie back to bed.
  After a while Nubun wakes up and gets ready for work, I hear him move about the room and know exactly what he's doing. He comes by my side of the bed and covers me with his favorite blanket and tucks me in, making sure my ear is covered too. He knows I cant sleep unless my ears are covered up too. I've been doing that since I was a teen ever since my brother woke me up to get a live bug out of his ear, now I'm forever terrified of something crawling in mine. He kissed me and left to go to work.
  I hear his quiet foot steps in the hall, I hear the sound of the shoe motel drawer opening and he puts his keys in his pocket. Then there is a pause and I know what he is doing, feeling of his pockets and counting how many items are in there just to make sure. Keys, wallet, work badge....check. Then he opens the door and I can imagine the cool winter air hitting his cheeks. I cuddle up under his blanket for a few minutes then wake up and start my coffee.
  Coco wakes up and I feed her, then lay her in the swing. I smell my coffee and know its ready and calling my name. I go get a mug and sit down for my devotions.
  Afterwards I go to my room, intending to make up my bed. I was going to surprise my husband and actually have my bed made up when he got home this day. But as I walk in my room, and smell the Vicks aroma and hear the hum of the humidifier I can not withstand the urge to run and jump in my bed skidding under Nubuns green blanket. I shivered with pleasure as the warmth of it lures me back to sleep.  I dreamed about making up the bed.
   Then the bedroom door slings open and my two little loud girls come bouncing in. Oh well, I crawl out of my bed reluctantly and decided to make my dream come true. I made up the bed. Then I stand there looking at it as my chest swells up in pride, it looks so pretty made up!  Jasmine tugs on my robe.
   I turn around and pick her up and we all go to the kitchen. I make breakfast of eggs and broccoli. I couldn't wait till Nubun got home. Today we are going for my last midwife appointment and I was getting excited. I think about all I have planned for the day, and what I want to accomplish.
   As I'm standing by my skillet full of scrambled eggs I look over at the table. The girls were fussing at each other for their favorite cup, Colleen was cooing and smiling in her bumbo seat making a very cute table center piece. I stop for another thoughtful moment, I get tears in my eyes and thank the Lord for my life, my family, and all my blessings.
  So my life wouldn't be  exciting for someone looking through the window, but it is all I have dreamed of, wanted and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
  Nothing could make it richer to live! Nothing!
   Well.  Perhaps a vacation to the beautiful beaches of Hawaii would be nice...
Now I need to get off this iPad and get some very important things done like go pull that cough drop out of Jasmine's hair, kiss the booboo on Evie's knee and nurse a certain little one...