A Homeschooling Mom's Anxieties
...and how I deal with it.

    While planning another year of homeschooling that old familiar fear seems to creep back into my thoughts and heart. The magnitude of the responsibility that comes with it brings more than just cold sweats and self doubt. It is a burden, a burden of fear I have to bear...or do I?

    Fear of failing as a teacher and parent. All the fears both big and small steal my sleep and threaten my peace.  I want our kids to grow up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. I also want them to know all their ABCs, 123s, Psalms 23 and not to forget the Constitution and Bill of Rights too!

   I have 3 homeschoolers and an overactive 2 year old who is a full time job in itself. How do I manage my anxieties and fears? The Lord has taught me much in my 5 short years of homeschooling.

 ** First of all. I take my burdens to the Lord and leave it there.
I call upon the Lord, I take my burden to Him in prayer.
  "Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.”
He commands us to FEAR NOT.
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”
  So in that bundle of a burden I leave my anxieties and fear, I hand it over to the Lord and leave it there.

 **Second I do what is taught in the Bible to DO.
   "O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; To see thy power and thy glory,  ...Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.”
    I search for Him early in the morning, before the day gets busy.
    I plan my days ahead of time but to rely on the Lord each and everyday I have to start it early in prayer and in Bible reading.
  To do what is right I can not wake up and check Facebook, I have to wake up and search for God’s face and read HIS book! All the answers to absolutely EVERYTHING, is in that.

   Then I think of Him throughout the day. I listen to hymns, speak to Him. Talk about Him, my lips praise him and His lovingkindness, power and glory. I ask for a verse or a song that will help me get through the day, then I meditate on it all day long, with joy in my heart that shines through my face.
 

 ** Third and lastly. I TEACH.
  "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by thy way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up."
 
I want my kids to see me rely on the Lord and praise Him throughout the day, sometimes I pray and sing out loud, and when we come to a problem that I do not know how to fix, we pray for His guidance!
    While teaching my children the ABC’s and 123’s I teach them God. God’s grace, God’s goodness, God’s wrath, God’s judgment, God’s sacrifice, and God’s love.  I teach them to be thankful. As I teach, I also learn.
     My Mom always taught us to be thankful in EVERYTHING! Sometimes it is not fun to open that math book, or history book and do reading and writing and arithmetic, but thank the Lord for the ability to do just that! Brains to learn, hands to hold that book, eyes to read, a chair to sit in and a belly full of food that feeds our growing minds. Now I teach that to my own kids. Thanksgiving and praise goes along with learning and growing.
    It's hard to drown in a puddle of fear when you are soaring in ocean of praise!

     I have all I need to fight that burden of fear, and when the devil tries to throw it back on my shoulders, I get on my knees again and hand it to the Lord. Because it is no longer mine to bear!
  

 

Anxieties from the Homeschoolers Heart.
 ....and how to deal with it.

The deep sense of responsibility that comes with homeschooling brings out the best and the worst in us. We are finally able to shape a person's life, personality and character in all the awesome ways we dream for our children like putty in the potters hand. RIGHT! What a privilege! OK, that is actually scary when we start to feel the magnitude of what all that actually means. Imagine the Jaws music in the back ground, you can hear it, goose bumps start popping up, the palms of your hands start sweating, and you feel trapped as the genuine anxiety and fear start creeping into your heart like a cold black shadow. Oh! The responsibility of a homeschooling Mom! I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure all Moms with kids in public, private and Christian schools feel the same way. It is not easy.
  I was in bed agonizing over next few months of school that lay ahead. I cried, I closed my eyes and said a prayer, I opened my eyes and saw through the darkness at my failures and felt guilty, and the worry was too overwhelming to bare. I thought of decisions I made that were bad, and I thought of situations out of my control that I wanted to change but could not. That frustrated me! I wanted everything to be within my power to control!    I thought situations in my life of where and what I had done wrong in homeschooling with my children. It was 3 in the morning, my body ached from twisting and turning and no sleep. I stretched my arms and legs, smelled the sheets and felt the cold air on my face. I could hear the breathing of my sleeping husband. I prayed, but it was a futile pray in desperation but not in belief. God was not listening and I knew it. There was a battle going on that night and the Lord did not extend me peace until I let go, confessed my sins, my worries and truly gave Him my burden. Then and only then did I have the peace to let go of my worries and fall asleep. I had very little sleep that night, but I did sleep and God gave me the strength to carry on the next day, anxiety free. I had not 'arrived', I am a work in progress, but God is working on me! He works on me everyday. I do have anxieties and fears, and daily burdens I find too hard to bear.
     Fear of failing.  I have little fears, big fears, all fears...Fear that our kids will grow up ignorant. Fear that they’ll never learn how to read correctly, learn how commas and exclamation points are used, how to spell the word ‘Wednesday’ or pronounce the word ‘adult’.
Will they grow up and never have that lightbulb moment like me in math? Or will they be a whiz in Math like their Dad? Will they love American history like I do? Will they love books like I do? Will they hate school like I did?
  Then there is also the pressure of what others will say about my parenting skills. Will people know that I skipped two days worth of school videos this week just because I was overwhelmed with school, cooking, the dog’s abscessed tooth, cleaning 3 day old unidentified foreign objects from the iron skillet and trying to keep the 2 year old from not tearing down the house or breaking his neck jumping off the mantle. Sometimes losing sight of the goal, and letting fear control and fill my thoughts.
at all.

***TAKE YOUR BURDEN OF FEAR TO THE LORD and leave it there****
      The battle for our peace is overwhelming, we are human and have to be reminded day after day to take our burdens to the Lord and leave it there. 
      I sit here and battle the thousands of little fears that are thrown at me as I think of tackling another year of homeschooling. The thought that their success or failure solely relies on my shoulders sometimes is too heavy a burden to bear.
    I give myself too much credit, because I am NOT doing this alone at all.
      Are we supposed to bear all our burdens alone, at all times? As a Christian we will immediately say No! We can not bear our burdens alone, we must tell Jesus! But what do our actions say? We spoke the words, we said the prayer then we got up, lifted our burdens and put them right back there on our shoulders, and went on our way homeschooling in this sin filled world, in fear, still.
    God has already conquered the world that we live in, the world we teach in, the world we sometimes have to answer to, and the world our kids will have to grow up in and God created this world, what have we to fear? He has already conquered it!
   God does not kindly suggest or recommend us to ‘perhaps try the method of not being scared...'
   Um ...no.
God COMMANDS us in all His Holy authority and wisdom to “FEAR NOT!” There are no ifs and buts about it!
But how? Through His strength.
“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”
         But God! He is RIGHT there! He WANTS to help, he CAN help and He can take all the worries and anxieties away if only we ask, and ask believing. 

   **ASK**
   Why do we not ask? Why? And girl, you know we have ALL forgotten to ask at times, and that is sooo unnecessary.
   Sometimes if we dig down deep inside ourselves we find out that it's pride, we want to be strong, we want to be independent and do it ourselves.
BUT God made His children to be dependent on Him. He tells us again and again to “Ask”. That is something that we HAVE to do.

***ASK BELIEVING***
Sometimes we don’t ask and sometimes we ask doubting. We doubt, our faith is not strong enough and we truly don’t believe it’ll make a difference. We are children of the King, the Creator and The Savior, how can we doubt? If we lack in faith, that means we lack the hearing of the word of God.
“So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” Romans 10:17.
Get in your Bible! Get your faith, then call upon your Redeemer.
Jeremiah 29:12-14
“ Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you. And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.”
      Our life as women, and as mothers, and wives are filled of anxieties and fear. Unfortunately it’s our nature. Sometimes our life is just too full, period. Sometimes we need to slow down, stop, empty our cup of worry and let the Lord fill it up with His hope, His peace, goodness and guidance.
      In my short years of homeschooling I’ve learned a few things. I have learned that I can not homeschool....alone. I NEED THE LORD! And I forget sometimes, a lot of times, in fact I tend to forget everyday, that I need to rely on Him.
That is easily said but how do I practically put that into action? Prayer is not a substitute for action. We still have to DO. 

    **DO**
     I plan, I DO, I am present, I listen, I learn, but to rely on the Lord I have to start my day early in prayer and in Bible reading.
Don’t wake up and check Facebook, wake up and search for God’s face! And read HIS book! All the answers to absolutely EVERYTHING, is in that.
  "O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary. Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee.” Search for Him early, long for Him throughout the day. Listen to hymns, speak to Him. Talk about Him. Dwell on Him. Meditate throughout the day on His goodness. Its hard to swim in a puddle of fear when you are soaring in ocean of Praise!
      Ask for a verse or a song that will help you get through the day. He WILL give it to you. Repeat, learn, memorize that verse or song and meditate on it all day long, but more than anything CLAIM IT!
      While homeschooling, let your kids see you rely and praise God throughout the day, let them see and hear you pray sing out loud, and let them see you search for His Face! While teaching your children the ABC’s and 123’s teach them God. God’s grace, God’s goodness, God’s wrath, God’s judgment, God’s sacrifice, and God’s love. 
  "And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by thy way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. Teach it, but more than anything LIVE it! 
     And when the devil throws anxieties on your shoulders, get on your knees and hand it to the Lord. It’s not yours to bear!