My Family

My Family
-Cozumel 2014

Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Home Birth the No-Brainer

Homebirth the No-Brainer Reasons.

I am writing a post about a home birth. I have never had a home birth but look forward to having one some day, and here are the reasons why. Not the important, technical, medical, or scholarly type of reasons, but the down to earth just for fun reasons.
  Let's start out with, the robe.
1.  At a hospital. I would like to know who wore the hospital robe before me? I mean. Did some germ infested person die in it the day before? Who wore it before me? 
   In my home.  I can birth wearing my own clothes, not somebody else's clothes. It may have germs, but they are familiar germs, not very scared of them. And if the need arises, I can birth without clothes on because I will know who exactly is in my home, I trust them and I won't be exposing my naked bum to a stranger coming in without knocking. there will be no strangers in my home! And the only male present will be my husband. 

2. People always say  that a hospital is a sterile environment... Or they'll say it's a germ infested environment.  It's both. It's filled with SICK PEOPLE, people that are being attacked by germs, and germs usually don't get the agenda that they are quarantined to just their host human, they like to move about. And so they do... Let's face it, all that hand sanitizer the health care providers coat themselves with only goes so far. So their hands are sterile for a while, yippee... And the room is filled with the AWESOME aroma of alcohol and peroxide, such lovely aroma therapy for a laboring Mama. I think that smells makes you get the illusion of a sterile environment. Yay. I feel safer already. 
    In my home.   I know who has been in my home, I'm familiar with the germs and so is my body. And I ain't inviting anybody over that is sick. And only those who I invite are allowed in.  I don't have to worry about that. Or the smell of Purell-ma-therapy.

3. Everybody's birth experience with an OB is different. Mine was the no-nonsense type health care provider. After 5 years of being her patient I knew nothing about her but her name and her title. I even asked a couple of times about her life and family but immediately got the vibe that I was crossing the line of the professional patient/doctor boundaries. Forget the personal questions, she did not like me asking her any questions at all. If I asked her questions about the birth she would literally tell me not to worry about that she was the doctor not me, or would flat out say "Why do you need to know?" and wouldn't answer me at all.  She acted like my questions were nothing but challenges to her doctor professionalism. She wanted me to trust her blindly and basically shut up. Woohoo! I had such a warm fuzzy feeling around her. Again, I will repeat. I'm sure I got the dud doctor and most OBs are not like this. Even if you have an awesome OB birthing in a hospital you are never guaranteed to get your doctor for your actual birth, you can be stuck with a complete stranger that you may, or may not like. 
      After 15 beautiful minutes of knowing my midwife (home borth and birth center birth midwife) I knew her name, title, name of her daughter, that she had many speeding tickets while driving to births, and the fact that she didn't like Thai food. By the end of the whole 45 minute visit, she knew my life, the name of my two older kids, how long I had been married, she had played with my kids, laughed at my husband's joke, and ended the appointment with a big bear hug and an invitation to go eat lunch with her.  I asked many professional questions regarding her  knowledge and experience in the birthing department, there was not a single question I couldn't ask her. What was the most awesome thing about having a midwife? She treated me like a friend, and in the process didn't lose an ounce of 'professionalism. I felt comfortable and VERY safe with her. 

  4. Driving to the hospital sucks. They say don't get there till you are almost pushing so that means riding in the car to the hospital in full blown labor. Yea. I laugh. So much fun! Um. Not. Riding anywhere while in labor must be one of the dumbest idea humans ever thought of!  Seriously. It hurts! It can slow labor! It hurts! And with every bump or turn in the road it makes you scream to the top of your lungs at your already-scared-out-of-his-mind  husband, like a stuck pig on Easter eve. Plus the worry of what will happen if the baby is born in the car.  Not exactly a comfortable way to give birth. Poor oxytocin can not be used to its fullest potential in a car. The end. 
  In my home. My labor never has to get interrupted, at all. All I need is time, my husband, my birth team and God's help. I don't have to worry about packing my hospital bag, having the baby's car seat ready. Wearing a giant diaper in case my water breaks. Nothing but working with my labor, in any room I feel comfortable in. The only traveling I will have to do is going to the bathroom and back, walking with labor when necessary, and resting when that is needed. No tire skidding, breaks screaming traffic horror fear of the THE hospital drive!! Aaaah... My Sphincters are relaxed already with just the thought.

    5. The arrival at the hospital. It's so lovely. You are making pooping faces while walking down the aisles. They are asking you to sign this paper, agree not to sue, acknowledge the risks of this or that, sign that paper, read all the 378 pages of the fine print please then sign here that you read them, and agree to their terms and conditions and patients privacy rights. After the lovely paper work is done then they want to weigh you. WEIGH ME??  Are you freaking kidding me?  Can you not just except the weight from last weeks visit? I mean I get weighed every time I come near a hospital or doctors office why do it when I'm in labor too? Then as you are breathing out each contraction and crossing your eyes with the intensity of them they ask you your family medical history. Do WAAAAAT?  
    In my home.   At home I'm not gonna fill out paper work, I've already done that ahead of time. I was already weighed last week and they accept that weight.  They don't ask me 101 questions I don't feel like answering and my family history has already been discussed over tea and cookies 7 months ago. 

   6.  Strangers strangers everywhere! In the hospital you have a sick person or laboring woman next door. You don't want to bother her. Your nurses are strangers to you, you have just met them and they only come in and leave after only a few short minutes of professional chatter with you. You may know your doctor, or he could be the on call doctor you've never met before. The janitor comes in 3 times a day, to empty your trash and gather dirty towels. Then more strangers come in to deliver food, or ice chips, or pain pills, or epidurals, or enemas  and then of course there is always the "Oops! I'm sorry I got the wrong room" stranger. 
  In my home? There will be no stranger danger. You know your family or friends present, you know your health providers and they are your friends as well. Anyone who serves you, or brings you food, or cleans your room, or gives you pain relief, or gentle massages, or kind words are your friends, your family, your team you trust, love and feel comfortable and relaxed  around. 

   7. And finally my pet-est peeve of all. Hospital policies and routine procedures.  Oh my, where do I begin? Policies rule hospitals, everybody should know that, if you don't know or believe that then come over here and step in the light. I'll illuminate you. There are  innumerable amounts of hospital policies out there that are made and enforced in the name of 'just in case'. Not for what's better for the Mama, or baby, but because the doctors and hospitals want to make sure they will be immune to law suits. It is true.  I'm sure each policy was started well intended but when they keep adding rules and policies on top of more rules and policies it just simply taking a woman's rights away. Many hospitals won't let you birth in water, eat food while laboring, drink liquids while laboring, wear your own clothes, take a video, take pictures, say no.... It's standard operating procedure to take your 10 minute old baby away, wash, poke and man handle it all in the name of policies, not what's best and gentlest for Baby and Mama.  They tell you when to get up, sit down, lay down, they make you walk even when you feel like that's the wrong thing to do at the moment. Sure! You can just say no, but that is a fight on your hands you don't want while having a baby. Nurses and doctors and hospitals in general don't like you to say no to their policies and procedures, so that causes awkwardness and/on animosity between you and them, which is the last thing you need or want at that time.  I don't have time to write down all that I want to add on here but I'll just say this, if you also are against most hospital policies as I am, but have to birth at a hospital anyway, hire a doula. She can make it a little smoother of a ride. 
   At home.  I listen to my midwife and do as she says, but do not worry that she will tell me to do anything that go against hospital policies, cause those are far away. What she tells me to do will be for my best interest and that of my baby. I wont be treated as a child, I'll have a water birth, and stay in that water till I turn old and wrinkly, or, just wrinkly. I'll have a video and camera rolling at my leisure, I'll eat all I want, drink all I want and poop when I need to without the help of an enema! Ill wear my own clothes, or...not. I'll  hog my baby as soon as its born, no poking, bathing, or man handling allowed. 
I am even thinking of making up my own home-birth policies.  Lights should be turned down low at all times, candles flickering, soothing music in back ground, everybody must smile at all times, and do not come in the room where I'm at unless you bare a gift of some sort, like cupcakes or avocados, or flowers. Yes, at my home birth the only policies present will be the ones my ingenious mind makes up. 
Yes. I like that. 


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