The birth of Titus Matthew

                                            Titus Matthew Birth Story August 24, 2015

 Whenever you find out you are pregnant, there is a flutter in your heart that you can not compare to anything else, usually it's accompanied by weeks of sighs of happiness and a sparkle in your eyes as you announce once on Facebook the joyful news, and then again and again to all your relatives and friends and the occasional WalMart stranger that are not on FaceBook.... That joy is incomparable!!
                   

  Through all this joy though I started getting sick and having health problems very early on in this pregnancy. It was more than just morning sickness, although I had that, it was pretty much under control. But I had many many other little problems here and there that far out ranked the MS. At the same time I was glowing with joy from being pregnant I was also in a very sad and hard spot in my life. I really suffered this pregnancy. I have no words to describe how much, and I frankly don't even want to rehash it all. I was lonely, weak, in pain, miserable and at the same time I found out I was pregnant my husband started having symptoms of Hyperthyroidism. He went to work and took care of his family by bringing home the bacon. But when he got home he was dead to the world. He lost around 30 pounds in less than three months. Which happened to be my first trimester. I didn't  have much help. I needed it and I relied heavily on my 6 year old to help me out. Friends from church came and helped and even brought food. My sister helped some also. But I really and truly suffered everyday, all day and night. It was rough. Physically I had never had it that bad in my life and I was scared to death that my baby was feeling all the suffering and sadness I was. I worried about history  development. I prayed for him often. I cried often also. I felt like I was handling it bad, and so I felt guilty because of it. My hormones were messing with my head. The never ending responsibilities and daily life was already rough but with my physical disabilities added on top of that pushed me almost over the edge. At only 20 weeks into my pregnancy I could barely walk. Walking hurt my abdomen. Very very bad. It took me an incredible amount of time just to walk across my living room. Let alone a store. I couldn't cook much and my husband barely had the energy to keep on going everyday. He would go through drive thru and pick me up stuff. I craved Wing Stop everyday for months. Yes. That's where at least 30 pounds of my pregnancy came from I'm sure! Then chicken Express Livers and Cousins BBQ chicken and I craved potato salad with a vengeance! It was ridiculous. And very expensive. And very high calorie also... I also craved lemon water. Id drink the juice of around 15 lemons a day. If I didn't I would get sicker. Yes my teeth deteriorated from all the acid. Then I craved ground beef and ate it at every meal for weeks. Just ground beef cooked with spices and olive oil. It was not a wonder that I gained more weight this pregnancy than any of my others! I was gaining while Nubun was losing. By my second trimester we made the number 10 together! (Him being stick thin like the number one, and me being as round as a zero...)

   I had three girls, I love girls! I wanted more girls!! But I also wanted to have a boy. Nubun video taped me when we went to get my gender revel sonogram. She announced it was a boy, everybody cheered, I cried with joy! God gave us a son!!

    I'll move on to events following up to meeting our baby boy.  I was also blessed and very pleasantly surprised because this was my first baby ever that I had carried that was head down the whole pregnancy. My previous two babies were breech till the bitter end! What a relief! What a blessing! What an awesome God I serve! 

    Every one of my labors with my babies were different, they had some similarities but not one birth story was the same as the next.  

    I thought I might go early on this pregnancy because I was carrying him so so so low. Not that in the real world that means anything but in my head I felt that I would go early.  They say a Mother's intuition is never wrong! 

   THEY were wrong. Early came and early left and my due date was here. It landed on my husband's birthday. I thought it'd be so exciting to give him a son for his birthday! 

I mean, seriously, I wouldn't even have to buy him a birthday present! Or make him his birthday brownies!! 

   Here hun-- have a son!
   We went to the mall that day, and I walked and walked and walked! I patted my tummy lovingly and told the baby inside to get out, get out, get out!  I told Nubun to GUN IT down the bumpy roads. I rejoiced in any laboring misery that'd come my way! None came.  I danced in my living room, did twirls and even jumped up and down while my 7 year old took a video of it all.  (If ever I need a smile or a laugh, I look back on that video!)  

   Baby was laughing in my womb, hanging on tight, not willing to come out yet. So with achy hips, swollen feet and all, I kissed my birthday man goodnight with a promise to bake him his brownies later.... (It's been 7 months. He is still waiting.)

    On day 8 after estimated due date we went out to eat at a restaurant. Sitting around the table I looked at my sweet little family and told my husband. 

   "This could be our last meal together as a family of 5!" 

    He smiled real big.  We went to bed that night still pregnant.

 On day 9 we went out to eat and again as we were sitting around the restaurant table I looked at my family of five. 

  "Ok. Ok.  THIS could be the last time we go out to eat as a family of five!" 

   Nubun again smiled real big. 

  On day 10 we went out to eat... Yes, we went out to eat quite a lot around this time... 

   Cooking? Me? Only thing I was cooking around then, was a baby. A bun was the only thing in my room to oven. 

   As we were sitting around the table I smelled the aroma of greasy french fries and mustard in the air, and smiled. I looked at my sweet husband and said.  

    "This will NOT be the last time we eat together as a family of 5" he laughed. This day came and went as all the rest had, no baby in sight. I was all ready for the birth, birth team gifts, check, essential oils for birth, check, last pregnant picture in bathroom mirror, check, birth tub ready, sign ready, baby was not ready!
 

   As day 11 came, it was Sunday and that morning I felt great, got up early, made and ate my breakfast of sausage egg and cheese biscuit. I fed the girls something, or at least I think they ate something that morning, and then I bathed them, put them in their colorful dresses and got them ready for church. On the way there I turned over and looked at Nubun driving. 

    "I feel too good to be going into labor anytime soon." Then I laughed. I didn't even need to clean the house for a picture perfect birth today! I was glad to be able to go to church as a family. 

  Nubun shrugged his shoulders. "You just never know." 

    True. 

    The looks of my sweet church family when I walked into the foyer was that of disbelief. 'She's STILL pregnant?'

  It was fun! It was funny and it was a bit frustrating to see some of the looks of pity, but through it all I was happy to stay pregnant for as long as there was a need.        

   Then again, during services I kept thinking how Nubun could take off work for only so long and how soon he would run out of vacation days.  I desperately needed him home when I went into labor. I knew it'd be fast and if he were at work I could kiss my water birth plans good bye, or a birth with my husband present good bye....

   Once home, I actually kept picturing myself having a totally unassisted home birth with only the help of my 3, 5 and 7 year old girls. There would be blood and screaming everywhere and I'd never have grandchildren because of the trauma they would suffer that day. On one of those thoughts I'd start bouncing on my birth ball, willing my baby to come out RIGHT THEN!!! 

   I googled 'birth ball inducing labor exercises' and Nubun did some pressure points on my back and hands. Evie massaged my feet.  I thought about castor oil for a very short split second then I decided to eat a whole papaya instead. Papaya works!! Let's just keep it at that. 

   Around 8:30pm I had an idea and told Nubun about it, he agreed and 5 minutes later, we packed up all the kids in the van, still in their Sunday outfits, we were on our way to my friend and massage therapist's home to get a labor inducing massage, I was stiff and sore and needed a massage desperately! 

    I walked into Mindy's beautiful massage room and breathed in the sweet aroma of essential oils. With lots of help I laid down and sighed a sigh of relief. My sweet, long time friend worked all the kinks out of my sore muscles and massaged with essential oils my pressure points around my ankles, feet  and hands. She worked and worked on me for well over an hour, I was relaxed and felt so refreshed when she was done! I had real tears of satisfaction in my eyes! It was just wonderful! 

   I came home and felt good, no contractions, I just felt relaxed and rejuvenated and tired all at once. We put the girls to bed, then went to the couch of the which was deemed the 'ugly couch' and sat down. (For most of my pregnancy I could not sleep in bed so I had to sleep on the couch leaning back but not laying down, instead) Nubun and I talked for a while, then I chatted on the phone with my friend, Heather. Right before I put my iPhone down I teasingly wrote her. 

   "We better quit chatting and go to sleep. Because in a couple of hours we will both need our strength! Haha"

     I didn't believe my own words, I felt ready for a long restful night....

  I put my phone down and leaned over and told Nubun.  "Well, day 11 has come and gone, no baby yet!" 

  He looked at me and smiled. "He will come when it's his time." 

  We fell to sleep shortly after that, side by side on that ugly couch like we had been doing for months. That night I was feeling relaxed and at peace and was sleeping very well. 

   At 1am I woke up to a very painful contraction. I got up when it was over and went to the bathroom, came back and fell back to sleep. At 2 I got another strong contraction, again, I got up and went to the restroom. Thinking nothing of it. How many times had I done this before? And I was still pregnant? I went back to the couch and sat back down, but was uneasy, uncomfortable and wondered if something was going on. I could not go back to sleep after that. At 2:40ish I got another strong contraction. I grunted with this one, waking Nubun up. Again I got up and went to the restroom.

   When I came back to the ugly couch Nubun was not there but busy running around quietly, I looked at my cozy place on the ugly couch and cringed, it did not look inviting. Instead I went over to the bar stool a few steps away and leaned over it and was swept away by the sudden intensity of the next wave.

  I felt like almost 4 years of my life had led up to this moment, leaning on that bar stool in front of my kitchen, and soaking in the quiet and dark of night. I breathed deeply in and could smell a combination of wild orange and peppermint from the diffuser and cinnamon from the candles. Nubun had lit the candles and had started the diffuser. With each wave of pain that'd come my mouth would water and my saliva was salty.  Of course if you know me I love the beach, I love the sea and the salt taste in my mouth made me think of sea water...

   My breaks in between contractions were getting shorter and shorter, so when a wave stopped I almost ran to my bedroom to get my birthing clothes on. 

   Bahahaha!! Imagine me running! I looked in the mirror, and with a shaking hand put some mascara on, I smiled at my reflexion, I needed make up, but didn't care anymore. I could not even remember if I had done both eyes. I texted a heads up to some of my birth team. 

   Then I again, waited in between contractions to walk back to my bar stool, the only semi-comfortable place for me to labor.

   My husband was quietly but hurriedly walking around the house getting things ready for this memorable event. We had not said a word to each other, I never told him it was time, he knew, after three babies together, he knew before I knew. I leaned over with a giant wave of a contraction, my head was hanging, I got a tingle go up and down my spine, they were getting stronger and this one took my breath away! Literally. After it had passed I looked up, Nubun was reading my list of Honey-Do's-when-labor-starts on the refrigerator, he looked at me and smiled real big. 

  I spoke, my voice was weak, "I think we need to call everybody. It's time."

  He smiled bigger as he walked towards me. "I already have." 15 minutes ago. He squeezed my shoulders and kissed my forehead.

  I didn't notice when he started filling up the birth pool, I didn't notice when he lit all the candles or picked up the mess on the sofa in the den.  I had a list of my own I was doing. First thing on the list was to get dressed in my birthing clothes.   Check!

   Second thing was....  well, it didn't matter because that is the only thing on the list I managed to do. I leaned over again in another strong wave, my toes curled and I tightened every muscle in my body, gritted my teeth and closed my jaw....  Every birth professional knows how very bad this is to do in labor, but when in labor every bit of common sense falls out the window at some point in time. I didn't have a warning, I had no early labor, I had no early contractions to build me up for the heavier ones later on, all I had was contractions that can break you, make you wanna give up, all I had to start out with-was transition!! 

   Transition from no labor pains at all, one minute, to OH MY STARS!! GET THIS BABY OUTA ME!! The very next minute! 

     I mumbled something to Nubun asking him to do something, then walked down the hall. I heard the front door opening quietly, and I told him to forget it, I didn't care anymore. I was beyond caring about anything but birthing that baby!

   I heard voices in the living room talking quietly about the birth tub, I walked in there and saw Nubun start to fill up the last ring on the tub with air. The air pump was loud but my girls didn't wake up. 

  I saw Heather walk by, I stopped wherever I was when the next contraction came, I was leaning on my cubicle shelf, and she rubbed some oils on my lower back, it helped. The smell of Frankincense and Peppermint filled the air. 

   During another contraction I felt somebody rub my shoulders, their hands were cold and that felt so good! When the contraction was winding down I looked up breathless and saw Ann, my lovely midwife, I got tears of thanksgiving in my eyes. 

      She asked me how far apart were my contractions. I looked at her confused. I didn't like the question because she was making me think. 

   "8 minutes apart, or 1 minute apart, or I think 30 seconds." I clenched in dread as the next wave started mounting.

   "I don't know!" I blurted out. 

  'I don't care' I screamed inside.

   "It's ok" she soothed me and rubbed my back some more. That was all she needed to know. As that contraction winded down I turned around and leaned over a chair, Ann sat down in it and watched me through the next couple of contractions. As one was winding down another one started, I no longer had contractions, it just felt like I had CONTRACTION. It was just one giant contraction that never ceased, I kept having peaks but no rest in between contractions because there was no in-between. It never fully stopped to give me a rest. 

  "You are having double peak contractions." Ann said. 

   For a brief moment fear and dread creeped up inside me. This was more than I could handle, I was not counting on this!  I looked around the room full of midwives and loved ones, but saw nothing. I could only FEEL, I felt the intensity of childbirth that women had been feeling for thousands of years, it was raw, it was powerful and I felt it all! 

   I was scared. 

  I wanted to scream but nothing came out, I was not doing well in my head, I was not on top of this labor like last one, I was not on top of my pain. I was in turmoil and I felt trapped, this wasn't gonna stop till baby was in my arms. Another peak was coming....

    I tensed up all over and Ann could see it.

  "Andrea" she said.  I heard her calm sweet voice and I was jerked out of my tunnel of fear. I looked at her, trying to focus on her caring face. 

"Andrea, I need you to relax your jaw, bend your knees and spread them apart a little." I did as she said and immediately felt better. 

   I paused and breathed. I felt a sense of duty calling, I had to push this baby out. I put my fears behind me and started praying for God's help. 

  "Do you want to get into the birth tub now?" She asked. I looked at the tub, only 4 feet away. My first thought was 'I can't'. 

  My other midwife Michele encouraged me. "We will help you." Somebody was helping me on my right side and someone else was holding me on my left side, I managed the few short steps to the tub. I looked at the water inside. Then I looked at the side of the tub I would have to step over to get into that glorious warmth. 

  'Oh!!' I said either out loud or in my head. 'Forget it!!! let me just push the baby out right here! I can't step over THAT!' But somebody was picking up my leg, and my leg was cooperating with them. I was halfway in and halfway out. Straddling the side of the tub. I shook my head in protest. 

    'Enough! No more!!' I froze for a second, shaking my head, determined not to move again!  But somebody else was picking up my other leg and that leg was also cooperating as well. 

  I felt water surround me, it was like liquid awesomeness! I immediately kneeled down in the water and tears briefly burned my eyes from relief! 

   "This feels good!" I said and smiled. I could finally relax just long enough to look around and see everyone who was there.
  "Where is Dr Taylor?" I asked my husband about my chiropractor and friend. My birth team was complete except for her, and all we needed was for her and the baby and we would be complete! As I was there, on my knees I looked at the water. It was time to do what I had been dreading my whole pregnancy, getting into the birthing position. Every position I ever practiced being in during the pregnancy was dreadfully uncomfortable except standing up. Well, the water wasn't deep enough for me to stand up in, so forget that.  I leaned over the side of the birth tub, and leaned into the arms of my husband. He was sitting on the birth ball right outside of the tub.

   I was on my knees, I was uncomfortable, I was hot, but the hot water gave me the relief my body needed to finish my son's journey earth side. 

   Birth is hard no matter where you have your baby, but I knew the love and the strength of a mother is greater. 

    I prayed, I prayed, and prayed some more,  I was gaining strength in Him, in my birth knowledge, my ever loving midwife's care, and my husband by my side, I needed no intervention I just needed patience, love, care and utter silence! 

   It was time, I was a Mama on a mission, I bowed down in concentration and took every peak that came with determination and prayer. 

    When another peak would come I was moved to a different world, I was in my own little tsunami, my consciousness was no longer there, it was in an angry sea with mighty waves splashing over each other, white sea foam was in my imagination and my throat was dry. It helped me to be in this other state of mind, it helped me get through my labor pain, it helped me do my job of getting my baby down in the right position for a rocket launch! 

   When someone talked I could hear them, my birthing world would shatter and I was knocked back into reality, I didn't have the strength or the ability to talk, scream or be angry the only thing I could do was barely lift my head and voice my primal need.

    Yes. 

   You got it. 

   I shushed them. 

   "Shush!" I heard that primitive, and rude sound coming out of my mouth, it was low and it was breathless and every single word or noise I'd say would be a huge effort and distraction and it would take me away from my angry sea where I needed to be. 

    While I was still early on in my pregnancy I told Nubun all the sweet things I'd like to hear while I was laboring. 

  "Talk to me about our honeymoon in Hawaii" I said. "Remind me how beautiful that resort in Charm Churree was" I'd smile with the thought. "Tell me how good I'm doing. Say anything positive and speak to me in words of love!" I said.  "Whisper in my ear sweet nothings..." I'd day dream of the romance...but when the time came I was in my nice hot birth tub leaning over the edge, sweat dripping down my face, hair sticking to my face, I was uncomfortable, miserable, in pain, but content to be in quietness. Nubun leaned over and whispered a sweet nothing into my ear. 

   I shook my head 'Huh?'

  'What'd he say?' The stormy thoughts in my head bounced around. 'No idea'. He leaned over again and whispered sweet words of encouragement and love... Again I was jerked out of my imaginary wild sea and my continual prayer for help and I was bumped back into reality. I looked up at the love of my life, sweat dripping down the back of my neck and my hair plastered to my face. He was smiling, looking at me with oh so much love...

  "Sssssh!!" Is all I could get out. Just. "Sssssh!"

 He smiled, leaned over and got as close to me as he could and was just 'there' and that is what I REALLY needed. Who cares about our honeymoon in Hawaii! Seriously! And sweet words of love? Just be quiet already!

    My husband of ten years and veteran of three births with me already, understood. 

  Quietness wrapped me and love surrounded me and I went back into my world of unimaginable yet manageable pain.  I leaned over and looked down at his knees, I could feel sweat trickle down my back, sweat beading up on my brow, but I concentrated on what was going on inside. 

   Pop! I felt my bag of waters break. 

   I breathlessly whispered.  "Water broke"

  Nubun repeated me and my midwife softly cheered me on. 

  And with a strong swoosh I felt my baby move and drop down into the birth canal. It was an incredible feeling I had never felt before with my previous births. 

   "He moved!" I whispered, but didn't have the strength or voice to explain how he had moved. They all motioned and mouthed to each other. "What does she mean?" And shrugged their shoulders. "I don't know"

    Just mere seconds, or was it minutes? I don't know, but shortly after stepping into the tub I started pushing. No one told me to, nobody said I was dilated enough, my body knew though, and that was what I was listening to. 

   Ann was checking me for dilation, but I don't remember if she told me I was complete or not, it didn't really matter I was pushing that baby out no matter what! I felt my baby coming down the birth canal and then I felt burning. 

  "Burning!" I again whispered. They checked me again but saw no head. I felt the ring of fire everyone always talked about, for the FIRST TIME! 

     They tried to listen to the heart beat but could not find it, they checked one side of my belly, then the other side. I heard whispers, my heart froze in fear!

  There was more hushed whispers then Michelle grabbed the Doppler and she told me to lift my right leg and stretch it out. I did and she found the heart beat! 

   "How's my baby?" I asked Nubun 

    "He's ok" he tried to reassure me. 

     "No!" I raised my voice with all the strength I had. "Ask them!" I insisted. I didn't want reassurance I wanted TRUTH!

     He asked them and they echoed what he had said. "Your baby is doing just fine."

    After I heard this I doubled over in determination to get my baby out! I pushed, and pushed and pushed some more. Ann told me I was doing good. 

    I felt more burning and Ann said his head was coming out to stop pushing, I stopped and just breathed. After a few short moments she told me to give little pushes, I obeyed.

   His little hand came out and reached and grabbed Ann's hand. She gave his little hand a squeeze, then encouraged me on...

   "Good! Andrea, you are doing good." I felt his head come out, and stopped pushing. I FELT HIM COME OUT! In all my other three births I had NEVER felt my baby come out, I just knew that they had cause my contractions stopped. This time around I FELT my baby come out! I was flooded with a sense of awe, but grounded yet, by my never ending contraction. 

   "Andrea, your job isn't done, you need to push his body out." 

    Oh. Ok. That's why my contraction had not stopped. I pushed again with all my might, his head and body did their turn as his shoulders slipped on through and out he came! It was 4:39am. Less than 2 hours of labor.

   Ann asked Nubun if he wanted to catch. 

   "No." He said. "I did last time, it's her turn this time."

  "Andrea" Ann said. "Get your baby"

 And so I leaned back and saw my baby's face for the first time, under water, looking so sweet so perfect, so...mine! I scooped him up and out of the water onto my chest!

    There is no feeling in the world like this! I held him near my heart and leaning back I looked at him, overwhelmed with love and I finally found my voice. I cried out with joy! 

        "Oh my bay....Oh my bay... Oh my baby!!!"

     I gazed at him for that brief moment of utter happiness, sheer joy, and a sense of instant and overwhelming love! I finally looked up at Nubun, he was looking at me and I smiled, he reached out and wiped the hair out of my eyes and held my face in his hands. He didn't say anything. I didn't say anything. Sometimes there is no need for words.

   We both looked at our baby, somebody said "Aren't you gonna check and see if he is a boy?"
  "Oh! Yes!" and I did, and he was!

      After those few short and magical moments, I asked them to go get the girls. My heart leaped with joy as I thought about my girls meeting their little brother for the first time.

  I looked at my little boy, and kissed his head and was in another world of happiness and joy, as if the whole world stopped spinning and just focused on my wee little son.
   I heard my husband talking. "Come and meet your little brother. He just came out of Mommy's tummy!"

 I looked up to see my three girls come in the room still dressed in their Sunday dresses from the day before. They were in a sluggish awakened state, blinking at their new little brother in my arms, as if they couldn't believe this was real and they weren't still dreaming. They had waited for so long to meet him that now it was surreal! 

   I was still in the birth pool waiting for my placenta to come out, we were both wet. Jasmine reached out and touched his head, Evie gaped and stared but didn't touch. Colleen yawned, uninterested and climbed up on to the couch and snuggled in the couch pillows.

   We moved to my bed and then the placenta was out and I was officially unpregnant and blissfully happy! 

   We all took bets on his weight. I had said all along I wanted a 10lb 3oz baby to beat my friend Heather's record of a 10lb 2oz baby! Everybody looked at my big boy and agreed he was definately a ten pounder, Ann said he was closer to 11lbs! I was just all smiles and proud of my big boy who I worried about for 9 months, and now there he was, fat, soft and perfect! God is so good!

  He was 10lbs 11oz!!!! I looked at my sweet little big boy, spilling out of his newborn outfit and saw a glimpse of heaven! I already loved him so much!  

   I'm so thankful for my birth team, my husband who never ceases to amaze me and my God who granted me even the desires of my heart. 

    I have had two very different hospital births, one birth center birth and one home birth, I loved my home birth and can not believe that it took me four births to finally discover the awesomeness of staying home!!
   

                             My Wonderful birth team. The only one missing is Dr Taylor. 

                                                This is my Mom. I love her so much!

  Titus, how many ways can I tell you how you have completed our little family, how we love you, are crazy about you and thank God for you!! You're one special little baby boy, and you couldn't be loved more!!
  "...I cease not to give thanks for you, while making mention of you in my prayers:....' ....for you are fearfully and wonderfully made.'

Grandma

I wrote this on the day that Grandma passed away, just a few hours before.

  Some of my fondest memories with Grandma was when I was grown, and living up here in the States.  Every other Sunday I would go and spend the afternoon with her, she would make beef stew or something else amazing like that and I would help her, I would be at her kitchen sink peeling potatoes or washing a pot and she would be in her chair not too far away and we would be talking. We talked about life, if I was going through something at a certain stage in my life she would reminisce that time long ago when she was going through it, too. When I was single and available, she would talk about when she was too. She dated a few men, they would go out on a coke date and have a good wholesome time, but nothing like when she went out on her first date with Grandpa. Around the time I started dating Nubun she told me how she met her love of her life. When I was in preparations for my wedding day, she told me about her simple in home wedding and how happy she was! When I was expecting my first baby she told me about her first baby, my Daddy. It was fun to talk to Grandma because you could talk to her about almost anything and have fun at it too. We would laugh, and sigh and relate and enjoy each others company.  We lived our youth in two different eras, but we still had a lot of the same life struggles. "Who does God have for me to marry?" "How should I fix my hair for our first date?" "What kind of wedding dress should I wear?" "Labor contractions REALY DO hurt!" "How do I lose this baby weight?" "Why doesn't my husband like green vegetables?" 

   Our lives were very different growing up, but that didn't stop us from relating to each other. She told me heart warming stories of her life long love affair with my Grandpa, she told me of her childhood adventures, and those of her two kids. She would talk for hours about her beautiful life, her hard life, her FULL life. 

  When I was about ready to give birth to my first baby she told me she was living for the day she could hold that baby in her arms. She did! And she lived to hold all three of my babies in her arms. She loved them and they loved her and it was a sweet joy that coated my heart to see. 

  And now, I sit here in my kitchen, getting ready to get myself and my kids dressed to go see our Grandma, the tears come and roll down my cheeks and off my chin cause I know it will probably be the last time I can hold her hand and kiss her cheek and tell her one last time I love her so much, how her life has made a difference in mine. How her love was felt by me, my husband and my kids. Sometimes I wish she could lift her old bony hand one more time and kiss my little girls and tell them to go get a sucker out of the bowl, I wish the phone would ring one more time and I hear her voice on the other line.

  But God is good, He knows what she needs, she needs to let this old body behind and she needs to go home with her Jesus,  her husband, her son....

   I once asked Grandma if she ever worried about her sons being so far away in a foreign country. She didn't even hesitate to answer.  "No. They are safe over there because they are in God's will. I do not worry." So simple. Her faith for her Lord was not complicated.

  But it's so hard for me to say good bye. It's her loved ones behind that will be left with a hole in the heart, an empty space, and eyes full of tears. She will be whole, complete, perfect, no more pain, no more sufferings. 

  I thank The Lord for my Grandma, her life, her testimony and the love she always showered on all those around her. 

  Life is but a vapor,  only there for a little while, and then eternal life. 

"Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of his saints. Ps 116:15"

Although its hard to swallow, I must say goodbye for now, I have to let go and let her go see her Jesus, her husband, her son. They are waiting for her on the other side, beyond the pearly gates. 

Opal Evelyn Patterson

October 1, 1923 - July 6, 2014

This was the testimony I gave at her funeral.

While visiting with Grandma the rushing around and busy part of my life would just....stop. It was time for hugs and kisses and long peaceful conversations. When I was in her living room sitting across from her, time seemed to slow down, there was this warm and gentle atmosphere about those moments that I will always cherish. when we talked it was all about, well, .....everything! we would share fun stories with each other, and we would make these wonderful memories together  doing the simple things in life like sitting at the dinner table eating red beans and cornbread, or playing a game of shoot the moon. Some of my fondest memories was getting out her old hymn books and singing the Gospel hymns together. If Grandma was ever upset about anything, all anyone really had to do was ask her if she wanted to sing with us, she loved singing the old Gospel hymns, she would stop whatever she was doing, sit back, adjust her glasses and sing her worries away.

     Grandma was big on some traditions, for example, she didn't think a lady was well dressed unless she was wearing stockings, I grew up in Mexico, it was warm year round and I did not like wearing stockings.  Well, usually my visits with her was on Sunday afternoons after church I'd go directly to her house. As soon as I walked in, Grandma would do a sweep of me, compliment my outfit then ask where my stockings were. I always felt bad about that. Not bad enough to wear stockings to church or anywhere for that matter, but bad that I didn't meet her approval. So I kept a pair of knee highs in my car and as soon as I drove into grandmas drive way I'd park my car and reach over and put on my finishing touch of a properly and well dressed lady...my stockings. Then I'd walk in her house, give her a hug and kiss then sat across from her and after I passed her approval I would make a big show about how tired I was of wearing stockings, then I would take them off. I did that a few times then I started falling under conviction for being deceitful. One Sunday as I was walking in her house she looked at my legs and asked me why I was naked legged.

  I kneeled in front of her and I said.   "Grandma, I know you don't like for me to go out without stockings, but I really don't like them and I don't think I'll ever wear them again."

  She leaned forward in her chair and held my face in her hands. I didn't know what she was going to say about my confession but I was dreading it.  "Andrea" she said. "You don't need to wear stockings to be my beautiful granddaughter. I love you just the way you are."

  And that is how Grandma was, she loved you inspite of what you were, or did differently than her. She loved you anyways! 

   Grandma  loved her Savior, she was faithful to Him,  she read her Bible as long as she had the eye sight to do so, she went to church as long as she could physically get there, she prayed for her kids and grandkids daily, and she encouraged me to search for Gods will in my life.  She was proud of her two sons, not because they  had fame or great wealth, or because they drove a Cadilac and were good looking, (because as you all know, they really  were!), but because of this simple fact. 

    God had called them to the ministry, and they had obeyed. 

  Towards the end of her life when I would take me little girls over to go see her, I had never seen anyone love like she loved on my babies, it showed in her twinkle of her eyes, in the excitement of her voice and in the warm hugs and granny kisses she would give them, what a blessing! 

  She had the love of God in her and it overflowed and radiated out to others, and made me want to be a more caring, loving and gentle person myself. Grandma was a wonderful and amazing Mother, wife, grandmother great-grandmother, friend and person, and she will be missed by so so many! 

 But especially.... By me. 

To summarize my grandma in three words...it would be the last three words I heard her spoke, she was talking to me and my husband and my little girls. And I am gonna write it just like she said those three words to us.

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you

I love you 

I love you 

I love you....

 

Home Birth the No-Brainer

Homebirth the No-Brainer Reasons.

I am writing a post about a home birth. I have never had a home birth but look forward to having one some day, and here are the reasons why. Not the important, technical, medical, or scholarly type of reasons, but the down to earth just for fun reasons.

  Let's start out with, the robe.

1.  At a hospital. I would like to know who wore the hospital robe before me? I mean. Did some germ infested person die in it the day before? Who wore it before me? 

   In my home.  I can birth wearing my own clothes, not somebody else's clothes. It may have germs, but they are familiar germs, not very scared of them. And if the need arises, I can birth without clothes on because I will know who exactly is in my home, I trust them and I won't be exposing my naked bum to a stranger coming in without knocking. there will be no strangers in my home! And the only male present will be my husband. 

2. People always say  that a hospital is a sterile environment... Or they'll say it's a germ infested environment.  It's both. It's filled with SICK PEOPLE, people that are being attacked by germs, and germs usually don't get the agenda that they are quarantined to just their host human, they like to move about. And so they do... Let's face it, all that hand sanitizer the health care providers coat themselves with only goes so far. So their hands are sterile for a while, yippee... And the room is filled with the AWESOME aroma of alcohol and peroxide, such lovely aroma therapy for a laboring Mama. I think that smells makes you get the illusion of a sterile environment. Yay. I feel safer already. 

    In my home.   I know who has been in my home, I'm familiar with the germs and so is my body. And I ain't inviting anybody over that is sick. And only those who I invite are allowed in.  I don't have to worry about that. Or the smell of Purell-ma-therapy.

3. Everybody's birth experience with an OB is different. Mine was the no-nonsense type health care provider. After 5 years of being her patient I knew nothing about her but her name and her title. I even asked a couple of times about her life and family but immediately got the vibe that I was crossing the line of the professional patient/doctor boundaries. Forget the personal questions, she did not like me asking her any questions at all. If I asked her questions about the birth she would literally tell me not to worry about that she was the doctor not me, or would flat out say "Why do you need to know?" and wouldn't answer me at all.  She acted like my questions were nothing but challenges to her doctor professionalism. She wanted me to trust her blindly and basically shut up. Woohoo! I had such a warm fuzzy feeling around her. Again, I will repeat. I'm sure I got the dud doctor and most OBs are not like this. Even if you have an awesome OB birthing in a hospital you are never guaranteed to get your doctor for your actual birth, you can be stuck with a complete stranger that you may, or may not like. 

      After 15 beautiful minutes of knowing my midwife (home borth and birth center birth midwife) I knew her name, title, name of her daughter, that she had many speeding tickets while driving to births, and the fact that she didn't like Thai food. By the end of the whole 45 minute visit, she knew my life, the name of my two older kids, how long I had been married, she had played with my kids, laughed at my husband's joke, and ended the appointment with a big bear hug and an invitation to go eat lunch with her.  I asked many professional questions regarding her  knowledge and experience in the birthing department, there was not a single question I couldn't ask her. What was the most awesome thing about having a midwife? She treated me like a friend, and in the process didn't lose an ounce of 'professionalism. I felt comfortable and VERY safe with her. 

  4. Driving to the hospital sucks. They say don't get there till you are almost pushing so that means riding in the car to the hospital in full blown labor. Yea. I laugh. So much fun! Um. Not. Riding anywhere while in labor must be one of the dumbest idea humans ever thought of!  Seriously. It hurts! It can slow labor! It hurts! And with every bump or turn in the road it makes you scream to the top of your lungs at your already-scared-out-of-his-mind  husband, like a stuck pig on Easter eve. Plus the worry of what will happen if the baby is born in the car.  Not exactly a comfortable way to give birth. Poor oxytocin can not be used to its fullest potential in a car. The end. 

  In my home. My labor never has to get interrupted, at all. All I need is time, my husband, my birth team and God's help. I don't have to worry about packing my hospital bag, having the baby's car seat ready. Wearing a giant diaper in case my water breaks. Nothing but working with my labor, in any room I feel comfortable in. The only traveling I will have to do is going to the bathroom and back, walking with labor when necessary, and resting when that is needed. No tire skidding, breaks screaming traffic horror fear of the THE hospital drive!! Aaaah... My Sphincters are relaxed already with just the thought.

    5. The arrival at the hospital. It's so lovely. You are making pooping faces while walking down the aisles. They are asking you to sign this paper, agree not to sue, acknowledge the risks of this or that, sign that paper, read all the 378 pages of the fine print please then sign here that you read them, and agree to their terms and conditions and patients privacy rights. After the lovely paper work is done then they want to weigh you. WEIGH ME??  Are you freaking kidding me?  Can you not just except the weight from last weeks visit? I mean I get weighed every time I come near a hospital or doctors office why do it when I'm in labor too? Then as you are breathing out each contraction and crossing your eyes with the intensity of them they ask you your family medical history. Do WAAAAAT?  

    In my home.   At home I'm not gonna fill out paper work, I've already done that ahead of time. I was already weighed last week and they accept that weight.  They don't ask me 101 questions I don't feel like answering and my family history has already been discussed over tea and cookies 7 months ago. 

   6.  Strangers strangers everywhere! In the hospital you have a sick person or laboring woman next door. You don't want to bother her. Your nurses are strangers to you, you have just met them and they only come in and leave after only a few short minutes of professional chatter with you. You may know your doctor, or he could be the on call doctor you've never met before. The janitor comes in 3 times a day, to empty your trash and gather dirty towels. Then more strangers come in to deliver food, or ice chips, or pain pills, or epidurals, or enemas  and then of course there is always the "Oops! I'm sorry I got the wrong room" stranger. 

  In my home? There will be no stranger danger. You know your family or friends present, you know your health providers and they are your friends as well. Anyone who serves you, or brings you food, or cleans your room, or gives you pain relief, or gentle massages, or kind words are your friends, your family, your team you trust, love and feel comfortable and relaxed  around. 

   7. And finally my pet-est peeve of all. Hospital policies and routine procedures.  Oh my, where do I begin? Policies rule hospitals, everybody should know that, if you don't know or believe that then come over here and step in the light. I'll illuminate you. There are  innumerable amounts of hospital policies out there that are made and enforced in the name of 'just in case'. Not for what's better for the Mama, or baby, but because the doctors and hospitals want to make sure they will be immune to law suits. It is true.  I'm sure each policy was started well intended but when they keep adding rules and policies on top of more rules and policies it just simply taking a woman's rights away. Many hospitals won't let you birth in water, eat food while laboring, drink liquids while laboring, wear your own clothes, take a video, take pictures, say no.... It's standard operating procedure to take your 10 minute old baby away, wash, poke and man handle it all in the name of policies, not what's best and gentlest for Baby and Mama.  They tell you when to get up, sit down, lay down, they make you walk even when you feel like that's the wrong thing to do at the moment. Sure! You can just say no, but that is a fight on your hands you don't want while having a baby. Nurses and doctors and hospitals in general don't like you to say no to their policies and procedures, so that causes awkwardness and/on animosity between you and them, which is the last thing you need or want at that time.  I don't have time to write down all that I want to add on here but I'll just say this, if you also are against most hospital policies as I am, but have to birth at a hospital anyway, hire a doula. She can make it a little smoother of a ride. 

   At home.  I listen to my midwife and do as she says, but do not worry that she will tell me to do anything that go against hospital policies, cause those are far away. What she tells me to do will be for my best interest and that of my baby. I wont be treated as a child, I'll have a water birth, and stay in that water till I turn old and wrinkly, or, just wrinkly. I'll have a video and camera rolling at my leisure, I'll eat all I want, drink all I want and poop when I need to without the help of an enema! Ill wear my own clothes, or...not. I'll  hog my baby as soon as its born, no poking, bathing, or man handling allowed. 

I am even thinking of making up my own home-birth policies.  Lights should be turned down low at all times, candles flickering, soothing music in back ground, everybody must smile at all times, and do not come in the room where I'm at unless you bare a gift of some sort, like cupcakes or avocados, or flowers. Yes, at my home birth the only policies present will be the ones my ingenious mind makes up. 

Yes. I like that. 

  

  

Mexico Trip ~~ part 1

 

I was on hands and knees in my bathroom floor scrubbing it with some strange adrinaline rush. I could not stop! I was doing it with gusto and drive! I wish I could always have that kind of drive while house cleaning.

"Andrea" Nubun peeked in the bathroom holding a crying Coco. "Enough cleaning now it is time to go."
I stared at him for just a second. Wow. Could he repeat that? He loves a clean house and I never thought the day exsisted that he would declare enough cleaning! He must be excited too!
I ran out and started my last minute packing, sippy cup? Check. Video camera? Check. Shoes? Gotta get shoes. My head was pounding, but not in pain, it was in glorious anticipation! The last time I was this excited I got married the next day.
It was dark and we all piled into our SUV and headed to DFW airport. We almost got there too late thanks to the parking place for our car, but it was not a close enough call to kill my joy. We all piled out of our car and got ready to get into the shuttle headed to the airport.
We put Evie and Jasmine's cute little pink back packs on them and rushed off. There was a sweet little voice behind us.
"Daddy! Hold me!" And that was what Jasmine did for the rest of the trip. When we put her down to walk on her own she froze in panic.
Walking into that plane was very exciting! It was the first time in 4 years and the first time for two of our little ones, to even ride one. My heart was beating out of my chest, for we were going to my home town, the place that stole a giant piece of my heart so many years ago, and never gave it back.
It was not long before I was sound asleep with Colleen and Nubun was cuddling with our other two little girls. After all it was midnight. They woke us up once to fill out paper work, then when we arrived they told us that Oooops that was the wrong paper work so we had to fill it out again. We were the very last ones off the plane, since Nubun had to fill out 5 different ones for each of us.
We stepped off that plane and a gush of pretty cold air hit my cheek. I was wearing Colleen and holding the hands of Evie and Jasmine. I breathed in deeply, trying to calm myself so I could concentrate. We walked into the Toluca airport, which to me resembled an over grown mechanic shop with marble floors.
I loved it.
Then Nubun ran back to the plane, to get his camera he forgot.
We showed our passports when we left the plane, when we went through the check point thingy, when we picked up our luggage and even when we exchanged our American dollars to Mexican pesos. They required our passport to exchange $50! They even took pictures of our passports! Really? I still shake my head with the oddness of that.
We walked out and tagged down an airport taxi. The driver told me how much it was and helped me with our luggage and we started walking towards the taxi cab. I turned around to see Nubun still standing there. Oops! I forgot to translate.
We arrived at the hotel around 3am, it was a beautiful hotel!

Night time

 In the morning

   The gardens were amazing even in the dark. It took them about an hour to check us in because we were prepaid with a voucher thingy they were not familiar with.
  We were tired, all the girls were tired but Nubun and I kept sneaking glances at each other and smiling. We were on vacation! He didn't have to wake up and go to work the next day and I didnt have to wake up and cook and clean! Who needs sleep in paradise anyway?

Ok. So some people do need sleep even in vacation bliss.

 

  We got everybody to sleep around 4:30 and 4 and a half hours later we were eating the most amazing breakfast in the Hotel resturant. The waiters were quite helpful, they stood around and watched you like a hawk in alert for any need. Nubun took off his jacket and our waiter was there in a flash taking it from him and putting it on a dainty little silver coat hanger that came out of nowhere.
  I ate, and ate and ate some more, love buffets!

 
  We walked around the mall for a couple of hours and watched this 4D ride thing, where they forgot to give us our 3D glasses. Um. yeah.
  Back at the hotel, we packed our stuff and headed on over to the bus station. I went from line to line asking around where and when the bus to Cuernavaca was. Ah! I found one.
 "It leaves in 15 minutes."
Perfect! How long is the ride to Cuernavaca?
 "An hour and a half."
No restrooms? For an hour and a half? I would just have to tough it out.
  I did my last minute bathroom stop. What a high security place! I had to go through these steel bars, after paying my 4 peso fee, then going through a little 8 year old security boy.
  "Did you pay your fee?"
  "Yes. That is why I am in here. The bars do not move until you put 4 pesos in it."
  "You did not pay. Go back and pay."
  "I did too pay!" I argued with him.
  "No you didn't. It is the 4 pesos."
  My bus was leaving in less than 5 minutes and I was stuck argueing with a kid. He never did believe me so I just scooted pass him, pass another set of steel bars and and went along my merry old way.
   We piled into the bus, all 5 of us. It wasn't a very impressive bus, and I was starting to understand what 'de segunda' meant. Second class.
   Thirty minutes later we were still in Toluca, sitting in stinky traffic. No airconditioner so half the windows were open. The air comming in was nice and freshly baked car fumes. Ugh! I didn't know what was worse, smelling those traffic fumes or not breathing at all.
  The smell wasn't bad enough as it was so somebody in this lovely bus popped out some finger nail polish and started painting their toes. My nose was pretty offened that day.
  An hour passed by and they stopped at a little town on the way and picked up some travlers along the way. I stopped one and asked how far away was Cuernavaca. My bladder was taking a nasty punishment, poor thang.
  "About an hour and a half."
What!! I screamed in my head!  It has already been an hour and a half of driving!
  So about an hour and 2 more hick towns later I asked another pasenger how far away Cuernavaca was.
   "An hour and a half."
  Do what? huh! What!? No bathrooms, no bathroom stops!? Anybody that knows me well, knows how much of a misery I was in at that time. It could have been worse, I mean we had no problem with the girls, whatsoever. Evie and Jasmine just played with their iPads and Coco just slept the whole way, and the scenery was top knotch! Stunning beautiful! (So Nubun told me, I was seeing yellow).

  We arrived at the bus station, 4 hours later, I pratically floated through all steel bars and little boys. I was never so happy to see a toilet bowl, even without a seat or water.
   We were planning on taking the next bus to Chilpancingo but it didn't leave till 10pm so instead we decided to spend the night there in Cuernavaca.
  We were blessed that there was a tacos al pastor stand in front of our hotel so we boought 20, ambitious appetites we had there!

  The next day we were homeward bound! Chilpancingo here we come!

Mexico trip --The Preview

  Mexico trip the preview.

  As we were driving away down the bumpy old road I stuck my head out the window and struggled to see Mom for the last time from the second story balcony. There she was, in pink sponge curlers and red eyes. She was hiding behind the curtains watching us leave.  We turned the corner and I could no longer see her. I sat back in my seat and cried. How could I leave my Mom? It was just a few short years ago I told her that I would NEVER leave her and that if I ever got married I'd bring my husband to live with her too.  And now, It was 1999 and I was 19 years old and on my way to a new life in the States. 1,500 miles away from my Mom. 

   As I stood in my Moms room 13 years later, with my husband and 3 little girls of my own, I remembered that sad time in my life, but there were no tears rolling down my cheeks this time around only a sparkle in my eyes and a smile from ear to ear, for this was a time of reunion and not of farewells. I could hear my Mom coming up the steps and Nubun and I giggled in quiet anticipation, for I was the one hiding in the shadows this time!

   It was the week before my Mom turned 70 years old and we flew down to Toluca, Mexico to catch a bus, then a taxi to Chilpancingo to surprise Mom for her birthday 'week'. So when we got to her house she was gone on church visitation. We waited around 5 hours for her to get back and when my sister in law Apo heard her car coming down the bumpy old dirt hill she rushed us upstairs where we hurried to my Mom's room. We couldn't wait till she came through that door and saw us! 

   All the windows were open and a cool breeze came through the curtains and past my nose, I breathed in deeply, the smell of eucalyptus and mountain air filled my being. I loved the smell there! 

  Nubun and I were so excited we couldn't make up our mind what funny position we wanted to be in when Mom came through that door so we kept on changing positions. We ended up just bouncing up and down right in front of the door in childish glee! 

    Finally they were in front of us with just a door between, we could see their shadow under the frame  and could hear their muffled footsteps stop as Sarah turned the doorknob and opened the door. 

   Mom was right behind her, when they looked up there we were! 

   Time stood still. For just a second, long enough to take a photographic memory of this moment. 

  If I was wishing for drama and excitement then I wished well, and my dream came true! Sarah screamed and Mom bellowed then there was an array of hugs and kisses and laughter that followed! Oh I love surprises! I mean who doesn't love surprises?

   We had a wonderful time the next few hours, we sat around and talked with Mom and Nathan and Apo, then all of us but Apo and Weldon piled into Nathan's Trail Blazer and we went into Chilpancingo to get our necks pulled by an Alphabiotic Dr, sorta like a chiropractic adjustment. We were so happy to be together we laughed and giggled through the whole process, Nathan and I got one and to our amazement even Nubun and Mom decided to get their neck yanked too! You never heard so many bones pop at one time! Wow! How delicious that felt! And then when we were done we all piled back into the car and talked about how great our spine felt. Mom suggested us stopping by the new WalMart to check out the new place.

  "No!" all three of us answered -almost in unison. Then Nathan, Nubun and I kept on secretly swapping grins and knowing winks, for that was not all the excitement that was going on at the Patterson household that evening. We needed to be home for the rest of the commotion! 

  When darkness came once again our excitement started building up and we prepared ourselves for another surprise.  .....or two.

   Russell, Mae, Shanda and Paul drove up and snuck inside the house. Nathan and Apo quietly greeted them and Nubun and I hid in my old bedroom. We could hear their quiet footsteps go up the steps and open Moms door. Once more the drama queen inside of me relished the gleeful commotion going on one one room away. We waited a minute or two, for Russell and Mae didn't know we were there either! Then we went upstairs to announce our presence.

   After a full day of surprises and love going around we settled down and just enjoyed and relished each others company, I sipped on a hot cup of lemon grass tea and chatted with my Mom.

   So I did go off and get married, but I completed my promise of bringing my husband back to live at home with Mom, even if it was just for a week.

I smiled over my cup,  I could hear the wind rustling in the trees, and enjoyed the smell of my lemony tea. I liked to hear Mom's voice and see her smile as we exchanged exciting stories of the days gone by. I wanted to freeze that moment forever, because it was, well.... It was just, simply, wonderfully, and unforgettably,  perfect. 

 

  

  

   

WHERE'S MY COFFEE!?!?

     Where's My Coffee?!!?

   Last night after we did our nightly routine of reading books, singing and praying I headed off to my bed with the baby in my arms. 

   Evie stops us and starts begging me to let Colleen sleep with her.

"I want Colleen to sleep with me! Please! I won't wake her up I promise! Please let Colleen sleep with me." I look over at Nubun then shrugged my shoulders. 

"Ok" I said. 

    So I did, but OF COURSE Mama comes with the package. I made pallets all over our living room floor and we all bunked down. (my queen size bed just ain't big enough!) 

  After an hour I look at the clock and sigh, all 3 girls were zonked out, but  I am wide awake, uncomfortable, spoiled to my Tempurpedic. I twist and turn, stuffing pillows here and there, trying to get comfortable. Nothing helped so I ignored the nagging guilt feeling I had in my throat and I sneak Coco and myself to my bed and immediately fall sweetly to sleep.

   About an hour later somebody comes bursting through the door, crying with a broken heart that we left them, alone, on the living room floor?

  I was nursing Colleen so Nubun gets up and and picks her up and lays her down on his side of the bed and he goes to sleep with the other one in the living room. 

  I thought it was Evie so I fell back to sleep only to be awaken with both girls in my bed wailing! 

  I look over and and Colleen had a foot in her face! 

  Then I squinted my eyes and that's when I notice it was Jasmine not Evie! Oh no! Jasmine is dangerous to sleep with! She's like a propeller! Going around and around all night long, that's just how she sleeps, well on one of her 'rounds' one of her feet land on the baby!  

  I scoop my 10 month old up in my arms and nurse her back to sleep and I love on Jasmine by playing with her hair and wiping the tears off her cheek. They both fell back to sleep and I quickly take Jasmine back to the pallet in the living room. Then I crawl back in my comfy warm bed, Coco had scooted herself towards my side looking for me so I had about 6 inches of space left to sleep with. I lay on my side, halfway hanging over the side of the bed, in the air. 

    I close my eyes. 

    An hour (or so) later I suddenly wake up and as I open my eyes I see Evie standing there, looking at me.

  "Mommy." she whispered "why did you come in here?"

 So I get up and put her in bed with me. At least she stays still while she sleeps. A few hours later Jasmine is back because I feel the bed move and I see a little bottom sticking up in the air at the foot of the bed.  So I get up and walk over to her and lean down close to her face to see if she was sleeping, she was so I left her alone and while stretching my mouth in the biggest yawn I walk  to the kitchen to get a drink of water and as I pass the living room floor I see a lonely dark figure sleeping across all 4 pallets. 

  I cover up my sweet husband and kiss his whisker-y cheek. 

    Whoever doubts that life with a quiver full of little kids isn't a daily adventure obviously needs to hang around my house for a couple of days, we RULE when it comes to adventure and drama!   (mainly drama of course ha)

  Excuse me now while I go drink my strawberry juice with a double dose of vitamin B, and a large cup of hot coffee, I hear somebody waking up now and I wonder what new adventures awaits us today? 

Why Christians Should Never say the phrase: "Jesus Juke"

"  ...and thou shalt call his name JESUS: ..." Matthew 1:21b  The sweetest name I've ever known.
  The first time I heard the phrase is when I read it in a blog. I read it and re-read it in case I misunderstood the first time. Then I squirmed in my chair and got uncomfortable and it is because the Holy Spirit within me was telling me that something was wrong, and I knew exactly what it was.
  This phrase is popping up in the Internet world. And the gut wrenching sadness of it all is a supposedly Christian started it and it's the 'Christians' who are using it. This phrase can be said different ways.  (if you haven't heard of it yet you probably will soon)
I'll post a few.
  "I just Jesus juked you!" "So and so Jesus juked me." "You've been Jesus juked!". "That's what I call a Jesus juke."
  "But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment." Matthew 12:36
  Even more so when that 'idle word' was HIS NAME!
  If we act like the name of Jesus Christ is fair game to joke around with--use in jest, or as a light hearted nick-named title rather than the name that should cause every knee to bend then we are desensitizing our Christian hearts.
  Essentially we are making the 'Christian' name look like a joke and we are discrediting the true salt of the earth -old fashioned, kind of Christian men and women who really do relate most everything in life with Jesus and for the furtherance of the Gospel.
  How can we lower our standards as a Christian community so much that we take the name of God in vain and beyond only being in vain, but as a way to leave Him out of a conversation by using His own name?
Let me explain.
  "Don't Jesus juke me!"
Most of us have heard it-- some  have even used that phrase. (not me!)
You are really saying Don't bring HIM into this conversation. He has nothing to do with it. 
  When we as Christians should actually talk and walk as if Jesus really was in our conversation and presence at all times, and as if He really did have something to do with every step we take in our lives, every thought that crosses our mind and every conversation that comes out of our mouth.
  God created you. Loved you. Died for you. He deserves more respect than careless mentions.
  Some may argue that the name of God is Jehovah, not Jesus, (bad argument) but what matters is WHO we are talking about. We can gossip about someone, talk bad about a friend without even mentioning their name. If who we are talking about is God then it doesn't matter which one of His titles we use we are still talking about the same One.
  "That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth;"
    Philippians 2:9
I truly believe that we are going to be held accountable for every single time we have said the name of God in our life, whether it be in vain, in jest, as a curse word, or in respect and honor and reverence.
If we can say or write the name of Jesus and not do it in respect and in fear then we need to search our hearts. Something is wrong. Have we already been given over to a reprobate mind? Have we gone so far that God has let our hearts grow cold to where we do not see the wrong in it?  If we can reference Him, and use His name so carelessly do we even  take God seriously?
  When you say the name of God. Talk about Him. Write about Him. Sing about Him. Think about Him--- do it only in respect and reverence. Never carelessly, in vain or light hearted. there are no excuses, explanations,  exceptions, or exemptions  it IS and ALWAYS will be wrong.
"Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain; for the Lord will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain."
Exodus 20:7