My Family

My Family
-Cozumel 2014

Thursday, January 19, 2012

The Chill in my Spine


Marriage is fun, exciting, beautiful and hard. Anybody out there who'd like to disagree with me has simply never been married before. But as my brother Nathan puts it: "Marriage can be a little piece of Heaven on earth if you put God first."
  My husband is at work now and all three of my daughters are asleep. I miss him when he is gone, everyday he works and I think about him often and look forward for when he comes back home so I can tell him all the adventures my little girls have been up to lately. "Evie TAUGHT ME how to work the iPad" Jasmine tee teed in the potty" "Colleen is now playing with toys" of course there is always the times where:
   "I've had such a rough day, Colleen had gas and fussed a lot, Jasmine tee teed on the floor, banged Evie on the head with a block, and ate an old petrified Hershey's kiss she found outside -wrapper and all! Evie whined all day, she whined for you, she whined for cheese, she whined for crayons, she whined because the puppy didn't kiss her back."
  Through it all I have my husband to listen to me and share my joys and sorrows. He always listens to me even if sometimes he is reading the consumer report at the same time, at least he glances up at me to see if I'm still talking, grunts and continues on reading. I know he listens to me, maybe subconsciously but he does.
  Just last week I had told him that I asked Evie if she remembered being in Mommy's tummy and she answered me with a big matter of fact kind of voice "yes," then giggled and continued on "I liked it,it was warm in Mommy's tummy." I was shocked speechless!    And when i told Nubun I just knew he would make fun of me but he didn't say anything except a mildly interested sounding "oh, hm"
  But a few days later he said to me: " you know what the highlight of my week was?"
  "no, what?"
  "When you told me about Evie talking about being in your tummy." I started to cry because I felt foolish even telling him that, and felt like a silly woman believing my almost 4 year old could actually remember that. But he validated me, he took me serious and made me love him just that much more.
  Ok, I was not planning on writing about all that but I was thinking about Nubun and when I first started liking him and our years together and the now. But now I will go back to what I originally was going to write about.
  How Nubun slowly wriggled his way into my heart. Now don't get me wrong, I love those stories out there about 'Love at first site, or at first date' but our story just happens to not be one of those.
  When I came up here to the States I was as clueless and naive as they come. I didn't know how to drive, had no sense of direction, couldn't get anywhere when I did start driving, had no idea how to open a checking account, sign up for school, or even apply for a job. Nubun helped me with all of those. It's not something we planned but he offered me just to be nice and I took up his offer out of necessity.  I didn't really like him at the time and he didn't like me but felt sorry for me drowning in my own pool of helplessness. And we slowly started tolerating each other then, enjoying each others company, and finally after a while we actually liked each other.
   My first year of school was good but I was over confident in my English class. I wrote a paper for my homework and totally and utterly failed the assignment. I wasn't paying attention to my professor and did my own thing. That day when I went to class and my teacher handed me back my paper with a big fat "F" on it written in bright red ink I was shocked! Not that I thought I was great in school, that's laughable, but because writing was then only thing I considered myself mildly good in. If I failed that, how was I going to fair in my other classes?
  I remember that day clearly. I was sitting down in the front row where I always sat, right in front of teachers desk and my tears were rolling down my cheeks, dripping off my chin and soaking a pop quiz my teacher had just surprised us with. I was staring at it blankly, I couldn't pop out of my self grief enough to even read what it was about, I couldn't even read it through the blur of tears. I, to this day still have no idea what that quiz was about. All I knew was that I had failed my very first English paper and I was heart broken. My teacher took compassion on me, seeing how I was silently weeping like a willow with an open faucet.  After reading the instructions twice and still not remembering one word I read I picked up my pencil, wiped the snot off my nose with my sleeve and tried to write something. My teacher walked by and took compassion of me and wrote on my paper a big "A" and told me to go home.
  I did, and blubbered all the way home and told Mae (my sister in law) all about it. Then after a few minutes I went back to school for my next class. I knew that Nubun was coming over to wash his clothes that day and I just knew Mae would tell him all about my hysteria. And in my heart I knew Nubun was going to feel sorry for me, for that was just how he was. He had a tender heart. After my math class I stepped out into the hallway and started to head over to my history class but stopped. I had a sixth sense, and a sweet chill went down my spine as I slowly turned around and there he was standing there in his bright orange sweater waiting for me.
   Nubun had a big enough heart to feel sorry for me going through my silly little meaningless drama, enough, to go out of his way to come just...to see if I was ok.
  That afternoon his big tender heart creeped into mine. That was 12 years ago. Now after wedding vows, three children and too many dogs, he still takes care of me, listens to my silly dramas, and goes out of his way just to make sure I am ok.  That's my Nubun, and I love being married to him. He still is and always will be my very bestest buddy.  I still get that sweet chill in my spine when he comes home, the one that makes my tummy turn into knots and my heart beat wild.

Honeymoon picture when we were both young and pretty

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